This journal entry comes from a 6-month separation from Will as he re-trained for the Army. While selling our house in Texas, the boys and I moved to Indiana to stay with my grandmother.
I was very sad most of the time we were there. I didn’t miss Will, and I didn’t know what was the matter with me. I started taking anti-depressants again, but that didn’t solve the issues underlying my depression. I struggled to find my way.
This left hand/right hand exercise comes from Drawing as a Sacred Activity: Simple Steps to Explore Your Feelings and Heal Your Consciousness by Heather C. Williams.
Summer 2002
LEFT HAND:
I fill you.
I drain you.
I bubble up.
My energy steals from you.
I have infiltrated,
but I want OUT.
Release me every day, but fill my place with love.
Open your mouth. Ask for Him to help you. Sing a song of yourself to Will – your mom…
Open your shame for others to see. I am shame of not being all you could be. Take a risk.
RIGHT HAND:
You are here because I don’t know how to let you go.
How do I let you out? I can’t possibly hold more until you are gone.
You squelch me.
You ooze through me.
I feel you there.
Crying doesn’t let you out. What will? How do I find out what I want to be?