Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

I Left My Abusive Marriage: Why Am I Still In A Mental Fog?

fog covering every tree above you straight down to the ground, just like a mental fog.

I left my abusive marriage just like Susan, the author of the story below. Focusing on this part of her story is important because although staying in an abusive relationship isn’t easy, living after leaving one isn’t easy either. It’s wonderful to think that after leaving abuse life will go straight back to normal. But it doesn’t. I left my abusive marriage with as much inner turmoil as during it. Susan explains it well. This is her story.

I Left My Abusive Marriage When I Doubted Myself

Before I left my abusive marriage, when I was in the midst of verbal and emotional abuse, my mind was in a mental fog, and at times I couldn’t even think straight to know what was real or true anymore. If I heard someone else say that her spouse called her a bitch or something, it sounded terrible! My advice to her would be to get out or get help.

But, when it was happening to me, I felt I was brainwashed or manipulated to believe it was my fault. Or that it wasn’t really happening and couldn’t see reality. I doubted myself so much!

I stayed for a long time, but I left my abusive marriage too. I’m writing to be true to what abuse has done to me. I am having a really hard time now with the healing process.

The Mental Fog Remains After I Left My Abusive Marriage

I left my abusive marriage and my head is still in this mental fog. I know I should never call or contact him again. For the first time, instead of trying to have the last word, maybe my last word should be silence. Maybe “Silence” will say more than any word could ever say to him. He will know that I feel differently because being silent is not me.

I question myself about why I tolerated domestic abuse. I don’t understand why there is still a part of me that wants to CHANGE that man. But it looks like the person I need to CHANGE is myself. To do that, I must get away from that man. If he wants to change himself then let him, he is not my responsibility.

I need myself back. I need my spirit back. I need to question why I would have tolerated this. It is fine to forgive a person but forgiving doesn’t mean you have to tolerate abuse. I am proud that I finally left my abusive marriage, but I feel weak.

I ask God to keep me strong and give me healing and direction. I would appreciate your prayers.

Thank you for reading. Bless you.

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Featured photo by Blake Cheek