Do your abuser’s words still haunt you? When his voice continues ringing loudly in your mind, it’s difficult to stay free of your abusive relationship! The key is to replace that voice with your own…but sometimes, due to your severe abuse, your own voice is just as tough on you as your abusers.
So, the trick is to begin brainwashing yourself back to health. Hey, if your abuser can brainwash you into feeling weak, you can brainwash yourself back to strength!
1. Self-Hypnosis And Meditation will be a big help to you! Even if you are one of those who “can’t be hypnotized”, the calming effects of the words and story will help your conscious mind re-think your reality. How? Meditating forces your brain to create less energy in the right frontal lobe which processes thoughts that produce stress, depression, anxiety and fear.
I carry this one from my sister on my mp3 player. Wanna feel better now? Listen to it!
There’s a great meditation for strength at Bluelady Muse. Read it, remember it, use it, and let it help you.
2. Call a friend or someone from your domestic abuse support group. Don’t just chat! Ask them to remind you of the reasons you left your abuser or ask them to tell you good things about yourself. Really! Do this. Your friends will love knowing exactly how they can help you.
3. Watch videos or home movies of yourself and/or read your old journals with dates before you met your abuser. This will help you remember who you were before the abuse. What parts of you from the past do you want to keep? What parts of yourself have you outgrown?
4. Challenge yourself to schedule a girls night out. Great things happen when you get together with supportive people! They can help you as mentioned in #2 or just take your mind off the negative thoughts you’re feeding yourself. Either way, having coffee or drinks is a great way to recharge.
4. Songs and videos (like this one by Kelly Clarkson “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”) to bring your self-talk up to speed. Go ahead, listen now – you’ll feel better!
5. Call a hotline! They are there for you whether you’re currently abused or experienced abuse in the past. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has a chat service, too.
6. Get into personal counseling or find a mentor. Individual counseling is important. You need a secure place with a therapist who understands abuse where you can unload all your crap feelings without judgment. Domestic violence support groups also do this for you, but they don’t deal with your specific issues like a therapist can.
Sanity Is Possible After and During An Abusive Relationship
Keeping yourself as sane and calm as possible after or during an abusive relationship is important. But remember that the further away you are from the abuser, the better you’re going to feel. Emotional distance is valuable to those of you who still live with abuse, but true healing begins after you leave.
That said, I planned on staying with my abuser for at least three years after I figured him out. I thought I could protect myself while undergoing the abuse, and I may have made it except the steps I took to protect myself resulted in physical violence.
I guess I’m saying that no matter what you’re choosing to do now, I support you. You can support yourself by following some of the tips given above!
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