My Abusive Marriage - One Story of Abuse

I read my old journals to convince myself that I did not live a story of abuse. But one journal entry after another showed evidence of abuse in my marriage. The abuse made me emotionally and mentally sick too. I yelled and hardly recognized my disoriented eyes in the mirror. My ex-husband and I hurt our children by playing out the cycle of abuse, utilizing the power and control wheel without either of us knowing what was really going on. I share my private journal entries about the abuse in my marriage with you because recognizing abuse is the first step to freeing yourself from it.

 

 

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Hindsight Can’t Help Me But Could Help You Understand Abuse

I now understand that no choice he presented to me would end the abuse. I left the Army-abuse continued. Got pregnant-abuse continued. Doing as told=abuse.

Hindsight shows me my mistakes in thinking. It shows me how my love for him blinded me. Maybe if you can see my hindsight before it happens to you, you’ll get OUT. I now understand that no choice he presented to me would end the abuse. I left the Army-abuse continued. Got pregnant-abuse continued. Doing as told=abuse.

The Day It Started

Red Door Productions introduces #TheDayItStarted as a prompt for abuse victims to tell about their earliest memory of domestic abuse.

Red Door Productions introduces #TheDayItStarted as a prompt for abuse victims to tell about their earliest memory of domestic abuse.

Logs In Your Eyes

log

Hate-Hate Relationship

hate-you

Drinking and Domestic Abuse Don’t Mix

Drinking only lowers inhibitions - it lets you be "more you" and gives the abuser permission to abuse.

Drinking only lowers inhibitions – it lets you be “more you” and gives the abuser permission to abuse.

What Does Living With Abuse Feel Like?

When he is angry I wish for divine interference. A bright flashy lightening bolt would do. I don't care who it strikes, I just want relief.

The Effects Verbal Abuse Had On My Life

The effects of verbal abuse cause you to feel unlike your self. You feel almost dead inside, not knowing which way to turn to make things right again.

Exorcising Demons

Demons worry that we will know their names (all the horror movies say so and, actually, my angel says so, too.) Once we name the demon, once we recognize it, it loses its power. For example, when I admitted to myself that the demon in my marriage was ABUSE (not Will, but ABUSE), the abuse […]

Shutting Up

Last year, I tapered off from this blog because I was afraid of what would come of it in court. Nothing came of it in court. This blog was either irrelevant or the battle didn’t get nasty enough for his attorney to use it. Or maybe there was nothing to be said about it. Will’s […]

I Appreciate You

leaving was the right thing to do

Lately I’ve been thinking about you, the readers of this blog. You readers are my core; without you, I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to continue the leaving process after it begun. Without you, I think I may have resigned myself to more years of abuse – maybe I would have stayed until I […]