Hindsight shows me my mistakes in thinking. It shows me how my love for him blinded me. Maybe if you can see my hindsight before it happens to you, you’ll get OUT. I now understand that no choice he presented to me would end the abuse. I left the Army-abuse continued. Got pregnant-abuse continued. Doing as told=abuse.
My Abusive Marriage - One Story of Abuse
I read my old journals to convince myself that I did not live a story of abuse. But one journal entry after another showed evidence of abuse in my marriage. The abuse made me emotionally and mentally sick too. I yelled and hardly recognized my disoriented eyes in the mirror. My ex-husband and I hurt our children by playing out the cycle of abuse, utilizing the power and control wheel without either of us knowing what was really going on. I share my private journal entries about the abuse in my marriage with you because recognizing abuse is the first step to freeing yourself from it.
For example, when I admitted to myself that the demon in my marriage was ABUSE, the abuse held less power over me. The demon flared up in a fiery attempt to terrify me, yet, after its temper tantrum, I stood strong and continued to call it by name. Will thinks I demonized him, but I think I demonized his behavior.
Last year, I tapered off from this blog because I was afraid of what would come of it in court. Nothing came of it in court. This blog was either irrelevant or the battle didn’t get nasty enough for his attorney to use it. Or maybe there was nothing to be said about it. Will’s […]
Lately I’ve been thinking about you, the readers of this blog. You readers are my core; without you, I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to continue the leaving process after it begun. Without you, I think I may have resigned myself to more years of abuse – maybe I would have stayed until I […]