Domestic Violence Is A Bigger Problem Than We Realized

Domestic violence is a bigger problem than we realized because it affects not only the abused person but that person’s entire system (family, friends, colleagues, children, economy, etc.). We cannot afford to consider domestic violence as a family affair like in the past. The disease of domestic violence spreads far and wide, infecting every person in the United States. Domestic violence affects you whether you realize it or not.

Ignoring It Makes Domestic Violence A Bigger Problem

I urge you to report domestic violence and report child abuse when you suspect it. Only those unaffected by gaslighting, crazymaking, brainwashing etc. can clearly see when there’s a problem. Trust your intuition. It’s up to us to end the cycle of domestic violence – even if we fear poking our noses into somewhere it doesn’t belong (Verbal Abuse Drives Domestic Violence).

Don’t let an abuser deter you. The next time you hear screaming, banging, crying, pleading or any suspicious behavior at the neighbor’s house, call the police. Ask to remain anonymous if you fear backlash. Domestic violence is a bigger problem than the run of the mill dysfunctional family (Things Abusers Say And Do).

Besides, if your children see you ignore the domestic abuse next door, what will happen if your son or daughter gets caught in an abusive relationship? Here’s a clue: your children will think that you will ignore them if they go to you for help. You may think you’re protecting them, but children understand more about what they see and hear than we give them credit for. You cannot shield your child from domestic violence by believing the kids don’t understand what’s happening at the neighbor’s house (Domestic Violence With Children As Witnesses And Victims).

Infographic Showing How Domestic Violence Is A Bigger Problem Than We Realized

Here’s an infographic from the University of New England Online that shows how domestic violence is a bigger problem than we realized.

Domestic violence is a bigger problem than you think. It's up to all of us to report domestic violence and end it for victims unable to help themselves.

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About Kellie Jo Holly

Kellie Jo Holly passionately advocates against domestic violence through her writing and mentoring service. She loves helping women cope with abuse while in the relationship and supporting them as they leave the relationship and begin to heal. You can also find Kellie on Google+, Facebook and Twitter. You can buy her books from Amazon.


  1. I think the domestic abuse started with my husband The day I came home from a vacation to Rome in 1987. It had been a hard two years after he came back from the Navy’s submarine service in 1985 June the first, All everyone wanted from him was that he just settle down in his return to his UAW transmission plant job for two to five years after he came back with more accrued seniority than 60 percent of the work force. It stated out with me telling him he had to back off taking a shift preference that would have ruined a 19 year old girls social life. So I made a promise that if he could not make waves over seniority for two years. That was when we could start a real life as husband and wife. Start thinking of a family without people resenting the fact he came home. Then the trip to Rome came up. The same girl that caused me to have to tell my husband that there was not going to be a marital life was getting married herself.

    I was again asked to help keep my husband in line. So I went hat in hand and begged my husband to back off the Rome trip. I said there would be others and we could figure out something else for him when we came back. I said we could start our marriage for real then. HE relented and cancelled his three weeks. Only after he made everyone pay him back for the money he could not get returned for the trip and he made me swear that any time. any place and any where he wanted> I would be both a willing wife and travel companion. He made me sign and notarize what I had sworn to.

    I know that many would think this was fair since he had not had a day off of either the navy or the job he returned to since 1981 and it was now six and a half years latter. When his father demanded he take us top the airport he was not at all gracious about the fact he was staying and working when it should have been the girl and her fiancé.

    At the airport he was just going to have us arrange our own means of getting luggage into check in and when his father screamed at him to get his lazy but out of the van. He took a page out of the movie Finnigans gold, He shuffled to open the back and as we were getting our paper work together he embarrassed everyone saying,” Yas massas, I’s gets rights to its. sorry that this po old n**** not moves as fast as yous needs me to but when yous all returns yous can beats me I will brings the horse whip to do its”. All we wanted to do was find a way out. Then he screamed off dumping our luggage in the road. I felt at the time that it was the lousiest thing to do to everyone just because we asked him to work when he did not want to.

    We went the couple was married we had fun. saw the sights. took lots of pictures. I even found some nice boot that would have sold in New York for 1000. I picked them up for less than fifty there as a peace offering when we returned. His father even bought up when my husband should be allowed a vacation.

    His and others primary prerequisit was that it did not cause somebody else to miss out on the best times just because my husband had more seniority under what his father called that stinking contract. The Thought was he could wait seven more months and pick the three weeks he wanted between January the second and February the 14th. everyone felt that we could go someplace nice with the money he demanded back before we left.. The flight back I was thinking of suggestions for January like ST Croix. Hawaii, Cancun. Barbados. and other nice warm places in mid winter. When we got back, My husband was there to meet us. He was loading the van as fast as we cleared customs. I started talking about going to breakfast and giving him the peace offering I had bought. showing him the pictures we took. w3hen I noticed the hanger hook was full of his cloths. his seabag was packed in the back and I asked what was going on> I asked why was he packed for a trip was he going someplace for work. He said no as soon as I drop everyone off at dads we are heading to Yosemite We were not even going to discus it. hre was going to slap me in the face with what I had sworn to. Before we even got to the turn home he was pulling of the interstate heading down town> I was begging him about where where we going when we pulled into the Bus terminal. He told me we had been married over six years, I had not been a wife in any of those years, just a controlling b**** he handed me a signed copy of a divorce filing. a 20000 check out of savings a one way ticket to my mothers in Virginia, I said we wanted to discus a nice vacation in January. he said and just where did we think he was going, I threw my ideas out at him and he told me those places were booked for over a year in advance His father said if nothing else just stay home and sleep but he reminded us of the last person that did. he was made to come into work as a flu replacement. In other words he was not waiting for our time suggestion. I went back home when he gave me one chance to change my mind> I said this was duress that he could wait until hell froze over. He was not going to do this defiance deal. and bully everyone into what he wanted.

    He was denied the divorce two years latter owing to my bi polar. The next vacation to Trinidad was coming the next year, but his father had arranged for a court order that remaine in effect another 11 years to work all hours offered and he was gaged from using seniority rights. There were terrible arguments. some of them I thought he was going to knock me from here to Mars. Others had similar experience just because I did not offer his right as a husband or time off work. Nobody could think of a way to gain cooperation from him. We felt we had to keep him from any of his rights. Then he got his fathers judge friend removed from the bench In july 2001 my husband was on the table the first time. A brain tumor was removed from the top of his brain stem. People felt it was an interference in their life if he took the doctors recovery time of sixty days. His own father helped force him in after six days saying if he could stand he could work After that surgery and the court order keeping him in check He decided he was using his seniority rights. His target with more than 90 percent seniority. Was a very highly sought after position. It was wanted by a man wit eight years seniority that was highly placed and connected politically, socially and had family conections His father was the county commissioner and my husbands fathers best friend. we spent three weeks trying to get my husband to back off. The day before the bid was coming down it was my husbands. So I offered everything from sex. to getting his father and others off his back about holidays vacations and weekends. if he just would let the younger man have the job. The next morning the younger man and three others tired of my husband refusal to take his name down.

    They ended up in crittical care when they jumped him We have not had a single day of cooperation willingly given by my husband since. He was again sick in 2009 after the last eight years his father and others using armed intimidation. He was starting to hurt those that pointed weapons at him. even if he had to wait in ambush. to break them from ever holding a gun on him again. The first ince4dent of 2009 where everything started to come apart was the Trip on the Orient express. It was the ninth out conus trip it was planed as the 50th aniversery of my husbands parents. It was also planned to force my husband to work the 29th year since we married with the six recovery day in 2001 as the only ones of. We thought we arranged things to keep my husband from at least showing anger> we arranged for TSA to let us use a room. and for his union minister and steward to be there and get him to just go to work . Let a younger man have his slot. I was terrified when I told my husband his father took the reservations out of his computer case> I was telling him he could have a vacation in January. I would give him the cash then for it we could figure something out. I told him I knew it was not fair but we had to make a decision about needs again.

    MY shoulder was dislocated when he to my shoulder bag and to the cash, checks debit and credit cards Told me to eat with what I had left or stay. His father was yelling give the cash back he did not have the right and said unless he did he would not get his passport back from TSA he would burn it. My husband was across the room before we could blink. He was stangeling his father and ripping his pockets out getting his passport back instead of picking it up after we were in the air. like somebody that was civilized. He was demanding from the newly wed couple that they return our double berth. He was demanding the return of his boarding pass His steward and his minister told him it was to late, please don’t jepordize his retirement since he had 34 years. The Anniversary was trashed> his mother said if her oldest son was not going again neither was she. My husband took her home. everyone was angry, not at my husband for the stink he raised. It was the worst trip because my arm was in a sling. I had to borrow money to eat. I got home and was stranded at the airport. I found myself locked out of the house. The union minister reluctantly arranged for me and my husband to talk

    He was hurting the day I saw him. but he gave me an allowance and the keys home. He was found one Sunday morning on his job passed our running 102 degree temp, when he came out of the induced coma two days latter with his spine fused No nerve impulse below his upper legs. When he came home from rehab he discovered me in an affair with an old boyfriend. The shock was he was not in a wheel chair.

    . MY old BF thought that playing a nasty joke on my husband would cause me to laugh. He swept my husbands cane when I was crying about what was happening. My husband used the cane that my BF swept to fracture his scull. My husband ended up in a stress center. A try at trying to get my husband to not use his fists whenever somebody was trying to force him. Just talk it through. Two weeks latter when he came home this time I was going to go to an event with my husbands mother, father and his fathers best friend when the center sent him home.

    That evening It was my turn, HE came through the door and told me I had helped others steal 31 years of his life, ( I did not look at it that way , I thought it helped my husband be the man that was expected) Her said he was going to take his starting restitution from me that day I had 31 years of promises to keep to him before I kept any to his father or any one else, I Was pleading and begging to meet any where he wanted in four hour where we could lay his greivance out and decide what could be allowed I was just trying to slow things down to think. He did not give me a thought about if I wanted sex that evening, he forced it. I got up crying over a new cocktail dress that was shredded, the pain of being forced, crying that I could have arranged something latter. I said his problem had always been patience and defiance, I heard his fathers friend at the door and went and sat crying on the bed. The event was canceled for everyone that night after his fathers friend stated get out of my way crip, he was going to talk to me Instead with one hand my husband threw him off the porch face first into the drive no options given.

    Acceptance of any negotiation the last three years to includ him into traditions over time fall on deaf ears. I find accepting an invitation without my husband just earns him going any way and if somebody tries stopping him they are hurt. Like Memorial day 2014 I was supposed to go with a friend for after dinner drinks from memorial day First my husband said my food my house my equipment so there fore he was not leaving the cookout. His father handed out the reservation ticket near the end and I was going on another my husband was supposed to stay home. First he took the ticket from his fathers friend and made him run for his life saying I was only going to go with him. First his father slapped his son for his terrible manners, he ended up back handed across the kitchen, The doorman at the club was called and told not to admit my husband and he was pushing my husband out to the street. The second both their feet hit a public sidewalk all it took was one push. My husbands cane hit him upside his head laying him on the sidewalk an my husband put his knee in the middle of his bac and stretched his head up with the door mans pony tail. Everyone there heard my husband ask if he was going to have any more trouble going in with his own wife held him on the porch at pistol point to let me go talk to them. I was telling them there was not a compromise he would accept any more. when my husbands sister scr5eamed watch out. The two men that held him had their faces laid open to the bone. His father found himself being told he was going to die slowly when my husbands cane sat tip in the middle of his chest. IN every case my husbands retaliation has escalated the desperation in everyone.

    I will no longer try for peace I might be sacrificed on that alter.

  2. K Klient says:

    Children, DV, self-harm and being ignored.
    I read the statistics above, and agree. My sister did everything to protect herself and child. She left her abuser. After many attorneys-money thrown away, revictimized by the legal system.
    Her children was ordered back to her abusive spouse. Her eldest daughter uses, her youngest self-harms.
    She has contacted agencies, police, etc., only to be told that nothing is wrong, IF there WAS anything wrong, my Sister was the cause of the problem, “because she has emotional problems” according to the powers be.

    What else can my sister do?

    • Well, she could ask her therapist to document her recovery and treatment plan. Just because someone has “emotional problems” doesn’t mean they can’t be trusted with his or her children. Take the documentation back to the court. Also, document the children’s behaviors. Get them both into therapy, too.

      You didn’t mention how old the kids are, but usually when these issues present themselves, the kids are old enough to talk to the judge. That’s a double-edged sword. I mean, the oldest is getting to do exactly what she wants to do at her father’s house (abuse drugs).

      My children were 13 and 15 when the judge gave custody of them to my ex. In time, the kids came around and made their own rules. They wanted to be with me, and they were. There’s hope.

  3. Whatever says:

    Just about anybody that I know that has witnessed domestic violence walks away. They don’t want to get involved. They will kick you when your down. The words that come out of their mouths are amazingly ruthless. I’ve heard a mother make fun of her daughter in front of an eight year old to a mother n law saying just get rid of her to the abuser walking away free after the cops come. Nothing will ever change in society as long as people continue to look down on victims.

What do you think? Tell us!