Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

Why Can’t I Just LEAVE?

Woman starting her walk across a city pedestrian bridge that is lit with green light.

Reasons You Might Stay

I wrote a post on my other blog that answers this question. Here’s a portion of it.

“So many people beat themselves up over the question “Why can’t I just leave?” Do you want the easy answer? You aren’t ready to leave yet.


  • haven’t been convinced that the abuse warrants you leaving, or
  • you lack financial resources, or
  • you’re in business with your abuser, or
  • the kids are too small, or
  • the kids are almost out of school, or
  • the abuser needs you, or
  • fill in your reason here.

“Notice I said fill in your reason here. These are not excuses.

“The reasons you stay may sound like excuses to someone else, but don’t let anyone belittle your decision to stay. I really want to end that sentence with “to stay for now” but truth is that you may never leave. You could be 70 years old and wondering how your spouse is managing to exceed life expectancy, them being so miserable and nasty and all (lots of people are doing this right now).

“I want you to be okay with choosing to stay, because making decisions is empowering. Staying is a choice you can make.”

Read the rest of this post at HealthyPlace.com: Leaving An Abusive Relationship


Since there is no reason that motivates you to leave right now, it’s time to start taking better care of yourself.

  • Learn all you can about abusive relationships
  • Learn about codependency
  • Learn about trauma bonds
  • Make time for self-care (uninterrupted, if possible)
  • Eat a vegetable
  • Laugh at nothing if there’s nothing funny going on
  • Enjoy small moments. Collect the good ones in your mind (or journal)
  • Exercise a little bit
  • Use a Youtube video to help you meditate
  • If you think you’re depressed or anxious, go see a doctor

The point is to start remembering who you really are by doing good things for yourself. Doing good things for yourself increases self-esteem – it makes you stronger. It makes you see the world around you with better focus. And with better focus comes better decision-making.

Start as small as you need to, but start taking care of yourself every day.