Are Abusers Typically Men? Let’s Stop Assuming They Are

Reports of women who abuse men make up about 10% of domestic abuse cases. The best answer to the question of if abusers are typically men is that most reported abusers are men.

This is either because

• Most abusers are typically men, not women, or
• Male and female abusers occur in the same percentages, but men are 90% less likely to come forward to talk about the verbal abuse they’re experiencing (Why Does Gender Bias Exist When Talking About Domestic Abuse?).

I assume that men are less likely to share their abusive experiences. Men tend to mention verbal abuse in terms such as “hen-pecked” or “nagged to death,” or even “she is such a bitch.” Unfortunately, it is less acceptable for a man to seek help for abuse in our society – society proclaims the male is “king of the castle” and “wears the pants” in his family (ironically, these beliefs also fuel abusive men).

Women who abuse men know their partner is unlikely to reveal the truth. Admitting to abuse, admitting that a woman controls him, is like admitting he is not a “man.” We condition men not to ask for “help” or admit he is “powerless” in a relationship. Wow. No wonder we don’t hear about men being abused very often.

Women who abuse men condition their partner to believe that they’re NOT “manly” (or whatever words she uses to diminish him) and then society tells him he is unmanly to admit to his abuse (he’s “supposed” to do the protecting and “be the man”). Isn’t that a double whammy?

Is it any wonder men choose to silently suffer instead of getting the support they need to leave a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t relationship?

Men can abuse their partners; women can abuse their partners. Women who abuse are just as horrid as the reversed situation. I want to make it clear that the information presented on Verbal Abuse Journals seeks to educate victims and prevent abuse of any gender or sexual orientation.

If you are a male victim of abuse I’m glad you’re here. I hope this little piece on the web helps you to recognize it and create a plan to deal with and heal from the abuse you experience.