Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

Jill’s Story of Abuse

A woman with wide piece of tape over her mouth. She looks angry. Text says 'Break your silence'

Jill’s Signs of Being Abused

He said he was abused first, because I finally yelled at him for one more lost, broken promise…and then he grabbed my collar and pinned me against he sink with his feet on top of mine and backing up only would land me in a further corner and he screamed an inch from my face to stop yelling at him as he bent me backwards. I thought he would break my back. I said nothing.

Jill’s Emotional Signs of Abuse

Terror, Utmost frustration, Black depression

Jill’s Story of Abuse

Two days later, in my fury at being terrorized [read “How I Found Out” below], I leaned over his deck to grab his shirt collar to show how startling it is, and he put me to the floor with my arms bent behind me…his training from working at an alternative school for 8-12 yr old boys…The technique might work well for them but not on a 55 your-old female body.

He'd leave, and apparently go sit in his car, then return later - climbing through the windows or trying to beat me to an unlocked door.screamed in pain for my shoulder and elbow, and said nothing. He finally let me up, I called the police, they answered, but I chickened out and made up a story of a supposed intruder because I knew he had been job hunting for a regular job for two years and a battery charge would have been detrimental.

The next night, he took a list of issues that I had dictated to him and thought it best to mock me with it.  When his back was turned, I snatched it from his desk- deciding he couldn’t have my concerns if he was going to use it to mock me… and ran upstairs… but didn”t make it… he caught me third to the top step – narrow – old house wooden steps and pulled me down three more steps on my butt back and head, then laid on top of me pinning me against the corner/wall and knocked the breath out of me.

I begged him to get off  “Get off…I can’t breathe, get off, you’re hurting me, GET OFF ME” – I was having trouble breathing and my spine was grinding into on of the steps and I could feel the goose egg growing on the back of my head.  He raised his body slightly, but had his hand on my neck and wrist and wouldn’t release them for me to at least reposition myself or sit up.

I finally bit his wrist, which made him flinch, was able to get my legs out and give him a shove off the last step into the wall.  He had the temerity to be appalled and furious with mehe thought we were “playing”.  He called the police and his local friend and met them in the driveway and the policeman came it and lectured ME!  Without even asking what happened!

I realized that Steve had intercepted him for that reason.  And I stupidly sat on the step in the house, traumatized, thinking help is coming if the police are coming….and then Steve says his friend came over to witness MY abusiveness – and he wasn’t there for anything…all after the fact and left totally up to Steve’s story.  I never got a chance to tell my side.  No one asked!?!

I told Steve he should leave – I still had a job and a dog, and could he just leave for a couple days.  He’d leave, and apparently go sit in his car, and return later – climbing through the windows or trying to beat me to an unlocked door.  One time I reached past him to lock a door because I wanted to go to bed for an early job, he stepped right into me heading for the back door to lock and charged me with punching him in the stomach and took me down again, after a swing that connected with my left ear, took me down on a slate floor, brush-burned and black and blue cheekbone and a substantial bruise on my inner elbow.  

Admittedly, I still couldn’t believe it…and I have not been able to stop yelling at him about something every day.  I am so soundly disappointed in not only his actions, my action, but his interpretations of events and he has told all his friends – some of whom we had business dealings with and he make our dirty laundry public and I am the one to go to  a counselor.

I just despise him while I love him….story of battered women.  And he claims I was physically and verbally abusive…verbal abuse likely after the physical abuse started – and verbal abuse after the hundredth unfilled promise and lack of availability.

I should have  kept my mouth shut and just left.

I then when I was packing up to go be grandma (every Thursday), I was coming back in the house, he stood close enough to the inside door so it stopped on the toe of his foot and I ran into it. I yelled in surprise, he smiled and said “What’s the matter”, I said you caught the door, “No I didn’t” – he said, “Try it”…and of course gave the door a shove and it smacked into the step cause he moved his foot and told me I was so accusatory.

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