Kacy’s Story of Abuse

Kacy’s Signs of Being Abused

I was listening to a Christian radio broadcast when the speaker mentioned that a woman has a right to say “no” to her husband I had a light-bulb moment! I then started reading everything I could find about abuse. Three Christian counselors agreed with me about the abuse, but I am so used to “second guessing” myself that I still wonder if I am over reacting!

Kacy’s Emotional Signs of Abuse

Depression, Guilt, Terror

Kacy’s Story of Abuse

I married Mr. Christian Nice Guy. We were kind of set up to meet at an event where he was playing his guitar and singing.

I thought that he was nervous and had a passion for doing things God's way. Then I lived for 9 years in abuse that I did not recognize.His History: His mom had left his abusive dad when he was twelve. She was and is still a total door-mat who pampered him and treated him like a replacement husband (I really think she thinks that I stole her “husband-son”.)

I was totally blinded by his “knowledge” and “spiritual sophistication” that I was naive and jumped right in believing that he was “the one”.

We had a super short engagement… there were several signs…I just thought that he was nervous and had a “passion” for doing things God’s way.

Then I lived for 9 years in abuse that I did not recognize. I grew up in a “dramatic” home where both parents were very abusive… though I doubt they would ever admit that now. It felt bad but familiar.

I tried to mold myself into whatever he wanted and it was never enough.

When he took this new job two years ago, things got really bad. I was home with two very young kids and I felt like all the “eggs” were kept in his basket.

He would say things like:

  • “God had a destiny for me, but now (with you) it’s ruined!”
  • “If you would just shut up, it would be easier for you…”
  • “NOW are you sorry you brought that up?”
  • “I will crush you!”
  • “I can’t believe I am married to THIS?”
  • “Are you going to get fat again? Do you think I like that?”
  • “The reason that I don’t help around the house is because I don’t want to make you more lazy…”

The worst parts are:

  • the death of my passions and interests in life
  • the FEAR
  • the awkward family thing
  • feeling isolated and totally dependent
  • and the guilt about giving my kids a broken home
  • AND HOW MUCH TIME I SPEND TRYING TO FIX HIM AND FIGURE IT ALL OUT!!!

He recently started the physical stuff. I have photos of the bruises, voice records, eye-witnesses to other incidents, and things like that. I am preparing to gather “my army” and wait for the right exit moment. I think.

I need A LOT of advice and prayer because I think I could maybe last another year, but I am tired of trying to avoid the inevitable. I have wasted 11 years. It is hard to really “give up” and accept that this is not going to change.

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Comments

  1. Hi Kacy,

    I just want to tell you that you will be in my prayers. I have exited my abusive marriage almost 1 year ago. On November 24th 2014, I figured that my christian husband was actually a very abusive man with the mission to destroy me. I had several signs prior marrying him, but like you said “I was blinded” by his knowledge and spiritual sophistication. I just want to encourage you through this time of your life where you’re getting ready to exit. I know it is difficult, but trust me it is worthy. I gave three years of my life trying to keep my marriage from falling apart, but sometimes we need to know when enough is enough. I don’t know why I feel pushed of telling you this, but here it is: God doesn’t want women (christians or not) to remain in abusive relationships. Marriage is a covenant before God and men, however the bible never says to put our lives down the line for someone who is unwilling to change. Those abusive “christian” men have already cheated on us through their deceitful actions. Cheating is not only through the satisfaction of sexual gratification, but through deception and lies.

    My friend, take the time to find somewhere safe and tell your story to anyone you trust or contact a woman’s shelter. If you have children, make sure there is a safe alternative for them to escape too. Once you make the decision to leave, DO NOT LOOK BACK! Trust the Lord with all your heart that he loves you and has a better plan for you. God is the healer of our hearts and he gives new chances to those who ask him.

    God has taken care of me since. My parents have opened their hearts to me again (last year we didn’t talk to each other), and I have a new life. I am about to finish my degree, got a new job, a new apartment, and found great friends. He gives me new dreams and put on my heart bold prayers.

    One thing that I wanna tell you even though we do not know each other:
    YOU ARE WORTHY
    YOU ARE LOVED
    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
    YOU ARE CAPABLE OF ANYTHING
    YOU HAVE VALUE

    This is what the bible says about you, and I believe with all of my heart it is true for each woman in this world.

    With all of my love. My prayers are with you.

    Lydia

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