Kacy’s Signs of Being Abused
I was listening to a Christian radio broadcast when the speaker mentioned that a woman has a right to say “no” to her husband I had a light-bulb moment! I then started reading everything I could find about abuse. Three Christian counselors agreed with me about the abuse, but I am so used to “second guessing” myself that I still wonder if I am over reacting!
Kacy’s Emotional Signs of Abuse
Depression, Guilt, Terror
Kacy’s Story of Abuse
I married Mr. Christian Nice Guy. We were kind of set up to meet at an event where he was playing his guitar and singing.
His History: His mom had left his abusive dad when he was twelve. She was and is still a total door-mat who pampered him and treated him like a replacement husband (I really think she thinks that I stole her “husband-son”.)
I was totally blinded by his “knowledge” and “spiritual sophistication” that I was naive and jumped right in believing that he was “the one”.
We had a super short engagement… there were several signs…I just thought that he was nervous and had a “passion” for doing things God’s way.
Then I lived for 9 years in abuse that I did not recognize. I grew up in a “dramatic” home where both parents were very abusive… though I doubt they would ever admit that now. It felt bad but familiar.
I tried to mold myself into whatever he wanted and it was never enough.
When he took this new job two years ago, things got really bad. I was home with two very young kids and I felt like all the “eggs” were kept in his basket.
He would say things like:
- “God had a destiny for me, but now (with you) it’s ruined!”
- “If you would just shut up, it would be easier for you…”
- “NOW are you sorry you brought that up?”
- “I will crush you!”
- “I can’t believe I am married to THIS?”
- “Are you going to get fat again? Do you think I like that?”
- “The reason that I don’t help around the house is because I don’t want to make you more lazy…”
The worst parts are:
- the death of my passions and interests in life
- the FEAR
- the awkward family thing
- feeling isolated and totally dependent
- and the guilt about giving my kids a broken home
- AND HOW MUCH TIME I SPEND TRYING TO FIX HIM AND FIGURE IT ALL OUT!!!
He recently started the physical stuff. I have photos of the bruises, voice records, eye-witnesses to other incidents, and things like that. I am preparing to gather “my army” and wait for the right exit moment. I think.
I need A LOT of advice and prayer because I think I could maybe last another year, but I am tired of trying to avoid the inevitable. I have wasted 11 years. It is hard to really “give up” and accept that this is not going to change.