Ashley’s Story of Abuse

Ashley’s Signs of Being Abused

He repeatedly said, “Sign papers and get the fuck out” when I was pregnant with his baby – that was 4 months after we got married.

Ashley’s Emotional Signs of Abuse

Frustration, Sadness & Anger

Ashley’s Story of Abuse

I’m not sure how long the abuse has really been going on. I think it started out gradually and got out of hand really fast. We married in August and took our honeymoon in November. We were trying to conceive on the honeymoon and discovered definitively that we had succeeded the day after Thanksgiving.

I could do nothing right. I was constantly nauseous and tired from being pregnant. He just told me that I was lazy and still expected me to cook his dinner.When we took the at-home test, the first thing he said to me was “Great, there’s another 18 years of child support to deal with.” I just cried.

From Thanksgiving on, there was NOTHING I could do right. I was constantly nauseous and tired from being pregnant. He would just tell me that I was lazy and still expected me to cook his dinner even though the thought of food made me ill.

By Christmas, he had told me repeatedly to sign divorce papers and get out of his house (even though both of us are on the title and I’ve paid for half of it since day one). We had postponed our Christmas so-as to include his son (my stepson) and just before we picked him up, my husband threatened my life for the first time.

As we were opening presents that night, he couldn’t understand why I was crying.

He made it very clear that he didn’t want to spend New Years with me and later, I found out that he had made out with another woman on New Year’s Eve and stayed with her in a hotel room. He told me I just needed to get over it and didn’t even care if I forgave him for it.

On January 13th we found out that I lost the baby. It’s heart had stopped right around Christmas. I was devastated. I had wanted to be a mom for so long and at 12 weeks I had already gotten so attached to the baby that losing it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face. He later said that he didn’t cheat on me while I was pregnant because technically the baby was already dead by then.

In February he came home from the club drunk and blew up at me saying that our family was fucked up because I lost the baby. He later admitted that he felt bad for saying it but words like that can never be taken back.

When I told him in March that I wanted to move out, he threatened to keep all of my stuff and have the police there to keep me from taking it since it was a “marital asset”. Really, it was mine from before we married and I would be entitled to it. It got to the point that I had to move during the day after he left for work.

I was fortunate enough to have amazing friends and family who could help me during the day to make sure I was safe.

There’s so much more to my story but I’m working to get past a lot of the hurt and pain that’s been caused in the last 6 months. We’re now separated and I do see him a few times a week. He’s working to come to terms with what he’s done and make things right with me and I’m working to get myself to a better place.

I’ve made it clear to him that I can’t and won’t put up with the name calling, put-downs, hypocrisy, and anger anymore. I hope more than anything that my story can help someone else understand that you don’t deserve to be made to feel anything less than amazing by the person you love.

Are you abused? Tell your story and Break The Silence and download this Safety Plan. Did you leave an abusive relationship? Tell us how you did it at How I Left Abuse.
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Comments

  1. What I can share is my personal experience and that of me working with others.

    When I kept seeing my ex, he gained power every time because I liked me less and less for taking less than I deserved from life. He fed on my self hatred. Every time I saw him it was another chance for him to give me false hope, hurt me, hurt our kids, and flaunt his power over.

    Sometimes I saw him because I really needed the financial help, over time I grew more and more financially independent and needed him less and less. We often think we need them because they have it set up structurally for us to need assistance.

    Every single time i dropped charges or fled charges with him across state lines, I lost more and more of myself. It does not get better, I wish it did, but we can NOT fix other people.

    IDK why he does what he does, but I know you can feel and do better in life ♥

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