The morning was fairly uneventful, but within in an hour he started again about Jack, then how I got a new credit card and do nothing for him. At this point I now know he used his time wisely going through all my things while I was asleep. I had to laugh because the new credit card was a prepaid card from the kids for my birthday to get the locket he did not get for me.
I did not engage in his drama and just went about my morning which was the wrong thing to do. But my cramps were too much to even reply. That in itself started a new fight. He wanted to have sex now that he provided the foreplay (fighting). In the middle of this the phone rings. Jay is checking to see if I have wire for putting in the electric switch that was scheduled for the day. That’s exactly when [my husband] gets quiet, he’s always Mr. Perfect when someone might hear him.
When the call ends he starts again about Jay coming over just so I do not have to spend time with him. I am thinking no, but I am glad he is coming. Then I have to remind him that this has been scheduled since Christmas. He gives no response and start getting ready to go outside again. There goes the phone again. “What did you do to make sure everyone calls you this morning?”
It was my girlfriend Kassie. I had not returned her call from my birthday or New Years. We talked about nothing much just the holidays and kids when I realized he was listening again. So I asked how Jack was and to thank him for the text on my birthday and New Year’s Day. At that point my husband comes in the room looking mad as hell.
Now I am pissed so I let her know in front of [my husband] that I was having an affair with her husband – according to my husband. She started laughing and asked if he was at it again. I said yes and we laughed again. He left and went outside. I then told her what was going on, she replied with that is nothing new. (Kassie was my next door neighbor up to five months ago. He should have known who Jack was.)
Why does he always think I am doing something wrong? Why does he always start a fight and why can’t he just go back to being the fun guy? The one I fell in love with? The one I loved to make love with?
When he came back in later I was sitting on the couch by the fire place trying to get warm. He leaned over I just knew he was going to hit me. So I jumped. He asked me why as if I was crazy I replied he startled me he said he just wanted a kiss. I pecked him and left. He asked what was wrong. I am thinking this man is crazy what the hell does he mean he was just yelling at me an hour ago. I jokingly said he needed a shrink that I never know if he wants to play nice or kill me then he laughed.
He got better as the day went on so I asked him to help me get ready for the chair Jay was bringing with him and he helped and was in a good mood so like a dumb ass I asked him why he had got me a surround sound for Christmas instead of the only thing I asked for (I never tell anyone what I want I do not like being disappointed. But this year I did and I knew there was no way I would not get as it was to put a lock of BooBoo’s hair in it I had taken before we took him off life support). I also said it had made no sense, there was one in the garage from the old house that he had when we got married and I had taken it down because I did not like it. They were extra to dust and too loud.
His response was he did not get it because things were not good between us. He had to get something so that what he got for me. Basically I did not deserve one. I still can’t wrap my head around that we haven’t been getting along but I thought we were going to try and work on that and besides Christmas is about forgiveness love understanding and giving of your heart. Or at least that’s what I thought I got him everything over the year I heard he say he wished he had.
As the night was coming we sat bay the fire watching tv. We fell asleep there happy for once or at least I thought so. I woke up around eleven and tried to get him to come to bed, he must have woke up earlier because he was on the couch. I thought he was coming but he went back to sleep and I went to bed. He kissed me and said I love you before he left in the morning for work, and I fell back to sleep. When I woke I made my coffee and went about getting the animals feed talked to him on the phone and things still seem ok until I went outside to go to the store and visit BooBoo.
My car was moved I guess he moved to get his van out. No big deal. As I get in the seat was too far up by the steering so I slid it back and then saw my glove box open from there my rear view mirror was out of place. He had not closed the box while looking for whatever it was he was looking for and also had moved the seat to see if whatever I was hiding was under them.
So much for everything being okay. I will never understand why he thinks I am always up to something or hiding something. Even if I had something to hide it would be found he goes through everything I own. He swears I have a secret life when he is not home. Maybe he is nuts. I just wish I had seen this side of him before I married him. He had everyone fooled.
Share Your Story of Abuse: Break Your Silence
Please share your comments below.