Christina’s Signs of Being Abused
When I was in middle school, the author of the book They Caged the Animals at Night came to our school and talked about child abuse. I remember sitting in the gym in shock because I lived with a physically, mental, spiritual and sexual abusive father.
Christina’s Emotional Signs of Abuse
Sadness, Pain, Shame
Christina’s Story of Abuse
I thought it was normal to have a father treat me like a speck of dirt on the ground. I thought something was wrong with me. It was a relief to know that it wasn’t me, it was my father, but I felt trapped and scared at the same time.
My father was a very religious man and read his Bible daily. This confused me. Even though he hurt me almost daily I looked up to him. My mom did nothing but watch, she had this glazed look on her face…like her body was there but she had left her body. She was suffering in silence; he terrified her. Yet she did nothing to protect us. He punched me and left marks on my face, but the next day they pretended like nothing happened.
In high school I met a handsome man in the church. We were friends for a while and kept a long distance relationship for years. After my parents kicked me out of the house I moved in with him.
His father abused him as well. He started dealing drugs, hacking computers and stealing credit card numbers from accounts. I was in love with him, I put him on a pedestal. Blinded, I hoped my dad would take charge and want me to move back. When that didn’t happen it got worse.
My ex would often come home with a gazillion hickies on his neck, when I asked him about it he laughed and said he got tackled. He was very much a ladies man. Several nights there would be “crazy stalkers” coming to our apartment and telling him how they were in love with him and why he was hurting them?
The breaking point came when he tried to kill himself in front of me twice, each time blaming me for it. Hanging himself using a tie in his closet. Second time by knife. He cut himself and he had marks all over his arms. He told me it was my fault for everything.
He made out with his ex-girlfriend in front of me, while he thought I had passed out on the floor. He later blamed it on the drugs. I found out later that he had sex with one of my close friends while I was in the other room.
I prayed for God to save me from this hell I was living in. He did intervene, my big sister took me in and I went through the recovery process. Thankfully, I hadn’t gotten involved with the more dangerous drugs like speed, heroine, and so forth. I went cold turkey and I know I was not fun to live with.
A few years later, I was at a party. I’m not sure if I was drug raped or if I had too much to drink. I found out years later he raped again. This was 10 years ago.
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