How to Survive Abuse – Maybe

I wish I had definite answers on how to survive abuse emotionally, mentally and physically. After all, I’ve tried many things to make the abuse stop and to save my marriage. Ultimately the marriage failed because I thought my next home would be in the ground. Or, as he specifically threatened, pieced apart with a wood chipper and fed to fish all over Texas. If I stayed, I could be dead now. According to someone who knows my ex-husband well, he still wants me dead and plans “disgusting things” to do to me before I die. (Don’t ask what – I don’t know because I didn’t want to know.)

Every type of abuse is serious and deadly. Anyone who tells you how to survive abuse without appending a maybe to the statement is lying. No one knows what another person might do; sometimes abusers don’t know what they’re capable of doing. Wait – can I take that back? I think abusers plan most domestic violence murder/suicides. At least the abuser plans the murder part.

Point is, if you’re living in an abusive relationship it is a good idea to download the comprehensive safety plan I put together. Visit Domestic Violence Safety Planning, scroll to the bottom of the page and download mine for free. It will help you stay safer while you’re in the abusive relationship. It’s your decision to leave or not.

Some Options on How to Survive Abuse – Maybe, At Least for Now

I’ll tell you what I’ve tried and what the results were to give you an idea of what directions you could go. You are the only one who can decide what your course of action could be. Please talk to someone face-to-face about what’s going on with you. Don’t bother explaining your pain to your abuser. They don’t listen or care. Otherwise, honor your intuition – you ARE worth listening to.

Some worked better than others, but this is a partial list of what I did (from about 2008 forward) to help me deal with the abuse in my marriage:

I Left My Marriage

As much as I wanted it to work, I ended up leaving my abuser. I probably would have stayed with him for much longer (if not forever) if any of my strategies worked. However, on January 22, 2010, he physically assaulted me.I wasn’t ready to leave.You can read all about it in my books:

Kellie Jo Holly's amazon.com

*Someone is trying to sell the old version of the Safety Plan for over $6000. Goofy. Ignore it and purchase the new version.

I update the blog ever so often so you can see how life is going without that jerk in it. But if you want to read some excerpts from the book, they are all here, tagged with book excerpt.

abuse in marriage is a tough problem to solveWill stays in my life only because we have children together. Even so, life is so much happier, and the peace I have now is unbelievable!

Let’s compare notes. How do you survive abuse? Please leave your comments and suggestions below.

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Comments

  1. You are so good at articulating these details in your writing and your thoughts. I always struggled with clarity, which I understand, is a form of denial, grief, etc. I simply could not repeat what was said and done to me! Your powerful thoughts expressed are making a positive impact on me. I find myself more able to share what I could not even whisper about before. 

    • Peggy Lynore Robertson says:

      This I believe, is my next step forward – and that’s getting involved, or “active” – it may be the only sure way to know I will stay on the right track: mine. I would offer to sign up to be a mentor. But then I thought, perhaps I should be mentored first? Feedback would be greatly appreciated. And since the link (to join the newsletter recipients) seems to be down, I hope it is okay to post my email here, and welcome comments from others in similar circumstances, or from the site’s creator. (God BLESS you, btw!)

      • Hi Peggy! Yes, the newsletter service I use is not working because I haven’t paid them. Good reason, eh? As soon as I can get on my feet, the mentoring service will be up and running again.

  2. Wow. You were told how he was gonna kill you. I thought I was the only one. I feel the same, it won’t change anything if I leave. The only way kill ever be free is when he died. He won’t ever leave me alone.

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