I wish I had definite answers on how to survive abuse emotionally, mentally and physically. After all, I’ve tried many things to make the abuse stop and to save my marriage. Ultimately the marriage failed because I thought my next home would be in the ground. Or, as he specifically threatened, pieced apart with a wood chipper and fed to fish all over Texas. If I stayed, I could be dead now. According to someone who knows my ex-husband well, he still wants me dead and plans “disgusting things” to do to me before I die. (Don’t ask what – I don’t know because I didn’t want to know.)
Every type of abuse is serious and deadly. Anyone who tells you how to survive abuse without appending a maybe to the statement is lying. No one knows what another person might do; sometimes abusers don’t know what they’re capable of doing. Wait – can I take that back? I think abusers plan most domestic violence murder/suicides. At least the abuser plans the murder part.
Point is, if you’re living in an abusive relationship it is a good idea to download the comprehensive safety plan I put together. Visit Domestic Violence Safety Planning, scroll to the bottom of the page and download mine for free. It will help you stay safer while you’re in the abusive relationship. It’s your decision to leave or not.
Some Options on How to Survive Abuse – Maybe, At Least for Now
I’ll tell you what I’ve tried and what the results were to give you an idea of what directions you could go. You are the only one who can decide what your course of action could be. Please talk to someone face-to-face about what’s going on with you. Don’t bother explaining your pain to your abuser. They don’t listen or care. Otherwise, honor your intuition – you ARE worth listening to.
Some worked better than others, but this is a partial list of what I did (from about 2008 forward) to help me deal with the abuse in my marriage:
- Explained Myself to End Verbal Abuse
- Received Counseling Through the Army’s Social Services Dept.
- Six Sessions of Individual Counseling
- Named Verbal Abuse Tactic Out Loud
- Counseling for The Abuser
- Public Sector Counseling at DSS
- Observing But Not Participating In My Abuse
- I Told Everyone About The Abuse
- Attended Domestic Violence Support Groups
- I Called My Local Sheriff’s Department (Non-Emergency)
- I’m Hoping The Abuse Will Resolve Itself
- I’m In Counseling With A Therapist Familiar With Domestic Abuse
- I Tried Marriage Counseling
I Left My Marriage
As much as I wanted it to work, I ended up leaving my abuser. I probably would have stayed with him for much longer (if not forever) if any of my strategies worked. However, on January 22, 2010, he physically assaulted me.I wasn’t ready to leave.You can read all about it in my books:
*Someone is trying to sell the old version of the Safety Plan for over $6000. Goofy. Ignore it and purchase the new version.
I update the blog ever so often so you can see how life is going without that jerk in it. But if you want to read some excerpts from the book, they are all here, tagged with book excerpt.
Will stays in my life only because we have children together. Even so, life is so much happier, and the peace I have now is unbelievable!
Let’s compare notes. How do you survive abuse? Please leave your comments and suggestions below.