The Am I Abused Quiz helps you recognize abuse in your relationship. Recognizing that your lover abuses you is the first step to ending it. Yet, sometimes the abuse is so subtle that you don’t realize you’re being abused. And sometimes the abuse has gone on so long you no longer recognize it as abuse.
As you go through this checklist from the National Domestic Violence Hotline you will get a clearer picture.
Answer the questions “in general.” Remember that every person could have a “bad day” and act out in mean ways. Remember, a person having a “bad day” will most likely sincerely apologize as quickly as possible after it’s come to his attention that you’ve been hurt. Victims in abusive relationships wake up every morning wondering if her abuser will be “nice” that day or not.
Does the other person:
- Embarrass you with put-downs (especially if you two are alone)? Talk nicely about you in front of other people, but cut you down in private, often about the things he compliments you about in public?
- Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
- Control what you do, where you go, or who you talk to?
- Stop you from seeing your family or friends? Cause you to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable when friends/family come to your home. You no longer want to invite people over due to your feelings of dread. Point out your friends’ flaws so that you’re uncomfortable asking them to come over because he hates them so much?
- Insist on control over all the money? Make you ask for money? Insist loans stay only in his name or sabotage your credit with fraudulent accounts? Force you to declare bankruptcy on charges he’s made?
- List the therapies and/or medications you’ve used to deal with depression or anxiety to “prove” your how you’re sick in the head? That your thinking cannot possibly be as clear as his because you’ve sought help from mental health professionals or medication?
- Impress the neighbors, friends, and your family with his kindness or helpfulness leaving you to doubt your own perception of him? Act much differently in public than at home?
- Make all the decisions? Tell you he considers you an equal partner but somehow ends up making the decisions anyway?
- Proclaims that you are a bad parent or threatens to take the children away? List all the reasons why you couldn’t gain custody in a divorce, ignoring his own faults?
- Prevent you from working or going to school? Stare at you or ask if something’s wrong every time you try to study or work at home? Make demands of you that lead to work absenteeism?
- Act like his abusive behavior is no big deal, your fault, or even deny doing it?
- Destroy your property? Threaten to hurt or kill your pets?
- Intimidate you with guns, knives, other weapons or even his presence?
- Physically assault you? Shove, slap, choke or hit you?
- Force you to drop charges?
- Threaten to commit suicide?
- Threaten to kill you?
Here’s the shocker
If you answered yes to even one of the above questions, your relationship could be abusive.