Gina’s Signs of Being Abused
Something felt terribly wrong. I did research about what I was experiencing online and came across some websites that described what I was experiencing was abuse from a narcissist. When I read The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia Evans, I found that my abuser said almost all the words she gave as examples in her book.
Gina’s Emotional Signs of Abuse
Confusion, Despair, Hurt
Gina’s Story of Abuse
My abuser was my Father. For years I thought, if only I could articulate what he was doing to hurt me, he would finally realize what he was doing and the problem would be solved. For a while, I didn’t understand that the problem wasn’t with what I was doing or saying. The problem was the abuse, coming from him.
Throughout my childhood, I have memories of him humiliating me, calling me names, and making me feel so hurt and bad about myself. He, since I was a child, systematically brainwashed me.
- Empty Brained…
My Mother and Father married when they were in their twenties. My Mom came from a dysfunctional family and so did my Dad. There was domestic violence in my household. My Mother brought my Brother and me to a safe home when I was around ten years of age. That was when my Mother filed for divorce.
My Dad, besides an abuser, is a narcissistic rager. He will find any excuse to rage, it was completely tormenting listening to him rant and rave all his frustrations over a slight. He took no responsibility for what he did, blaming everyone and everything like he was a victim.
There is so much depth that goes into what has happened, but I am going to type out the short version.
After the divorce, we lived with my Mom. She had substance abuse problems, so we went to voluntarily live with my Dad. He was Mr. Nice and Mr. Mean. He would explode over a dish being left in the sink, correct, criticize, and disguise control as “teaching”… such as “teaching” me how to wipe the glass tables because I wasn’t doing it right.
We had to endure listening to him explode about my Mother when she didn’t come to visit us. He would force me to listen to him and rage.
I got involved in a relationship when I was 19 years old with a man who treated me horribly. He was the typical player and I suppose because I had no good role model and felt poorly about myself I tolerated it. I moved out of the house at around 20 years old originally because things got too bad.
I was out of the house for about seven months when I needed to move back because of financial means to support myself and thought since I matured in that time there should be no reason for my Dad to “yell at me”… well let me tell you, I could have sworn him to be the devil himself. Screaming in my face, beat red over a frying pan in the sink.
The last straw was when the backdoor of the house was unlocked and he came into my room with a belt in the middle of the night like a maniac. That was when I moved out and was out of the physical proximity.
However, the sick part of it was he basically blamed it on me still and because I was “brainwashed” I remained in a relationship with him, he would act like Mr. Nice Guy at times, buying me groceries (the classic abuser moves to win you back) but before you know it he would spit out his abusive, hurtful words – putting me down, mainly my intelligence.
One time when I was on the phone with him, I said to Dad “I’m going over to my friend’s house to watch a boxing game”. He goes “A boxing game, (He laughs condescendingly.) I’ve never heard ANYONE call it that in my LIFE. What’s wrong with you?”
There were tons of similar abusive tactics he would employ like that, including intimidation physically… there was always an air of abuse, even if it wasn’t directly said. It got to the point that although I was brainwashed with “I am your Father”… I got to the point where I needed to make this STOP!!!
I did research online about severing ties with parents and got the words of encouragement and validation I needed that it was okay. He was hurting me so much and would tell me my perceptions, thoughts, ideas, and feelings were not important.
So, with tons of courage, a lot of contemplation, and tons of prayer I severed ties with my Father about four years ago. It wasn’t easy, like anyone dealing with the cycle of abuse. Ever since that, my self-esteem has improved greatly with my will to find out what it means to love myself.
During this time we have been in no contact, my Brother remains in touch because he is brainwashed and a couple of times tried to imply I made the wrong decision. I make it clear my decision is not up for discussion. The truth is, narcissists will recruit anyone to help them get their attention sources back, they will go through any source to try and my Brother was one of them.
I recently turned 30 this month and I received an email, yeah an email – Happy Birthday, Love Daddy-o. He is deranged, he can’t even love himself. I mean, he is an abuser – they do ten mean things and act like one nice thing makes the ten bad things go away.
I have never had a healthy romantic relationship YET, but I have been single for the past two years focusing on my self-love, and becoming a healthy person… because I have met and dated unhealthy people who have tried to verbally abuse and control me, I’ve been learning about enforcing boundaries and really getting clear on what mine are.
I am very determined to have a healthy relationship with myself and find love… but one can’t come before the other.
It’s a blessing that we all are speaking out; this awareness is saving our lives from abuse, putting a name to the confusion … without this support, who knows where I would be now.
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