Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

Alexandria’s Story — Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Remind yourself that you won't always be hurting, and that there is someone out there who will love you for exactly who you are.

I thanked him for showing me what I didn't want out of future relationships. I need him to know that he didn't break me. Walk away-you will not walk alone.What happened that made you decide to leave?

I’m young. I’m only 19 years old. But for almost 3 years I dated the same guy. He was my best friend and my everything. I thought that we were gonna be together forever. But after our 2 year mark things started to change.

He became very distant at first. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I continued to treat him like I always had. I took care of him, bought him what he wanted, and just tried to continue to shower him with all my love. It wasn’t until July of 2012 that I knew something was extremely wrong. One night on Skype he just looked ate and said he didn’t love me anymore and that it was over. I was so heart-broken. I didn’t know what I did wrong, and I just wanted answers.

We met up one night to talk and that is when I found out that he had cheated on me. I felt devastated! I couldn’t believe that the man who promised me forever could do such a nasty thing. I started crying and asking him why, but he just threw it in my face how I wasn’t good enough for him anymore. I drove home that night a mess. Even after what he had just said I didn’t care, I wanted him back, and would do anything for him.

Between the months of August-October I continued to support him in every way that I could. If he needed food or money from school I would drive the 50 minutes from my campus to his to give it to him. It was exhausting. I was lying to my parents, and using some of their money to help him. I felt like such a horrible person, but I thought he still loved me because he still kept me around. It didn’t come to full circle until October 6th.

I was really good friends with his mom still and sometimes we would go get lunch together. She was in the middle of separating from her husband and I was trying to be there for her while hiding what I was going through with him. See, he didn’t know that I still hung out with his mom. But somehow that night he did. He blew up both of our phones. He told his mom that I was a slut and to kick me out. And then he texted me and said the same thing except he also included how much he hated me and wanted me to disappear.

After that horrible night his mom text me and told me she didn’t want me in her life anymore. I couldn’t understand what I did wrong and I was so hurt. My ex and I didn’t talk after that. I thought that it was finally over and I had started to accept it.

After a month of silence I was feeling great! I was hanging out with my own friends and family more; my life finally felt like it was on track. But then one morning when I woke up there was a text from him. He asked if we could meet up and talk again because he had some stuff to say. Instantly I felt ally feelings for him come back. I told him okay and that night we met up. We were only supposed to talk for a little while because I was going to hangout with my friends,but he begged me to ditch my friends for him, so I did. We spent the entire night together that night.

He told me that he had slept with another girl at school and that he hated it and missed me and he was ready to change. He begged me to try again with him. He said he would help build back up all the trust we had lost. He even made me text the girl he’d been with and tell her to leave him alone. It all seemed so genuine. So I caved and took him back. We hung out every weekend. We still fought some because he wouldn’t stop hitting on girls I was close with. But I just thought we were working through it.

Then not even a week ago, on Thanksgiving I text him and told him I was thankful for him and he responded with I'm met someone new, get out of my life... I lost it. I went into total meltdown mode. I blew up on him and his mom and the girl he cheated on me with. Afterwards I broke my phone so I wouldn't have to respond to any texts from him. We didn't talk for two days after that, and when I got my dads old phone, Sunday morning he blew up my phone at 5:30 AM. He told me he slept with my best friend, and she didn't deny it.

Then he said he was gonna take a gun and shoot me because he wanted me dead, he told me I didn't deserve to live and that someone was gonna come and hurt me really bad. It was the last straw for me. I showed my parents the texts and now we are seeking legal action. That was the end of my so-called fairytale romance.

How did you feel about your abuser and/or your relationship in the days before you left?

I had mixed emotions. I hated him so much, yet I wanted him to feel happy and have a good life because I still loved him.

What three emotions did you most experience in the days closest to leaving Abuse? How did you deal with them?

Sadness, depression, and loneliness. I'm still dealing with them now because my leaving him just happened. But I made an appointment to see a therapist so I don't revert back to old ways and go back to him.

What planning did you do before you left? Who knew you were leaving besides you?

It wasn't really planned. I had just had enough. Threatening me with my life was the final straw and it scared me to death, so I told my parents and got out.

What were the one or two BEST things you did before you left?

I told him I wished him the best and I hoped he had a wonderful life. And then I thanked him for showing me what I didn't want out of future relationships. I needed him to know that he didn't break me.

If there was anything you wish you had not done before you left, what was it?

It would have to be having a meltdown. I babied him for so long. I took 4 months worth of anger and just yelled at everyone.

How long ago did you leave? How do you feel today?

It hasn't even been a full day yet. I'm dealing with online harassment now, so I don't feel great. But I'm strong and I can make it through this.

Is there anything else you would like to say?

Anyone can make it through a tough situation. You just have to tell yourself you are strong enough. Remind yourself that you won't always be hurting, and that there is someone out there who will love you for exactly who you are.

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