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Empowered Healing from Domestic Abuse

food and utensils laid out to use

Empowered Healing Recipe

By Anonymous

I see my recipe for empowered healing from emotional abuse as an ongoing process. I see myself as a cook making a long, slow meal cooked over multiple days. Creating this recipe is a labor of self-love. I’m constantly tasting the mix as I go along and adding a pinch of this and a sprinkle of that, using intuition to know when to leave it to simmer without stirring and heed when I need to get in there and mix it up a bit.

I might get a few things wrong along the way to making this empowered healing feast, but just like adding a bit too much salt can be balanced with a touch more lemon juice, I can make empowered decisions, and if it’s not quite right for me, I can find a way to balance it out another way.

Like a good stew, everyone’s ingredient list will be different, everyone’s method for combining them will be unique too. Here’s how I started and am continuing my healing from emotional abuse, maybe you’ll find some of your ingredients in there too.

Ingredients for Empowered Healing

It started with reconnecting with friends and family, admitting what I was going through, instead of trying to hide it away and keep it to myself. They provided a reality-check on what was happening.

My second – and much more powerful – reality check came from re-engaging with a codependency support group. I learned to focus back on myself again, to realize I could have space for me, and to interact with others who’d gone through the same.

It was through reaching out for and gaining this social support that I eventually felt empowered enough to end the relationship.

Empowered Healing Preparation

I started to turn my feelings of being trapped, less-than, worthless, ugly, unloveable, etc. into a growing feeling of self-worth, self-love, and self-compassion. I started to put boundaries in place, to realize I was separate from him and I was not his emotional puppet to be played with. By focusing on myself, putting a stop to obsessing about him, and supporting myself instead, I got the strength up within me to leave.

The split was painful. I still didn’t want it to end, I wanted him to go back to the loving fantasy-person I first got together with. That’s when I had to empower myself to stay strong in going ‘no contact’ by reaching out to those family, friends, and fellow codependents who would remind me of how it used to be with him and ask me if I really wanted to invite all that back in again.

Cook’s Tips for Empowered Healing

Since ending the relationship I have continued my empowered healing with many self-care practices:

  • Gratitude journaling
  • Daylight bathing – getting outside as soon as I wake up for 20+ minutes
  • Codependency support meetings
  • Laughter yoga
  • Walking
  • Nature appreciation (noticing what I see that gives me positive emotions)

I’ve been maintaining my empowered healing by warding off the deep desire to break my ‘no contact’ and reach out to him by:

  • Reading notes I took during the relationship of the many abuse incidents
  • Talking to a friend who’s best friends with one of his abused exes
  • Sharing my feelings with trusted people
  • Letting myself grieve, no matter how painful it feels
  • Engaging with a therapist
  • Reading books about abuse and abusers.

I’ve been supporting my feeling of empowered healing growth by:

  • Deep cleaning the house. Getting rid of his very DNA
  • Growing and nurturing my garden
  • Buying myself a few new clothes
  • Getting out to social events to meet new people

It’s only day 46 and I know I have a long way to go to feel healed. I need to tweak my recipe and keep adding to the slow cooker, but bit by bit, day by day, just putting one foot in front of the other and making sure I force myself to make positive decisions for myself, I feel already that I’m moving in the right direction. I know that I’m doing the right things and loving myself. Not only do I feel empowered, I AM empowered.

Related Pages from VerbalAbuseJournals.com

The sun is gone, but I have a light.' Curt Kobain quote for 'Empowered Healing' article

You have a light within you, too. Follow it.

Want to Leave but Can’t Work Up the Courage?

Remember: We can support you as you leave your verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. Our mentoring program is free and confidential. Get help leaving an abusive relationship.

Try This! It's Good for You at Empowered Healing Newsletter

Try This. It’s Good for You:

The GLAD technique is a dialectical behavior therapy trick that helps you stop thinking negative thoughts. It goes like this:

G — Think of one thing you are grateful for today.
L — One thing you learned today.
A — One thing you accomplished today (small things count!).
D — One thing that brought you some delight today.

Read the entire article by Emily Roberts at Negative Thoughts Consuming Your Mind? Try the G.L.A.D. Technique.


Hello everyone,

Thank you for taking a look at this email. I know you have a thousand things to do today, so we’re happy to be part of your day.

This week we helped a woman get from Oregon to her family in Washington seven hours away. She was $80 short of being able to escape her violent abuser, but she’s doing it thanks to many people who donated money for her trip home to family. She is just beginning her recovery journey, much like our guest author, Natalie, who is 46 days out of her abusive relationship.

Natalie whipped up a recipe for you to create a healing environment for yourself. Take a look at it and find inspiration to care for yourself a little better (whether you’re still in an abusive relationship or free of it).

I hope you find some beauty that makes your soul sing today. Grab it and remember it if you do.

Love, light, and laughter,

signature, Kellie Jo Holl