A domestic violence safety plan can save your life (and your sanity) while living in an abusive relationship or while you plan to leave.
My Department of Social Services counselor has told me that it’s okay for me not to leave this relationship, this marriage, this family. I don’t have to LEAVE just because I know what’s going on. It’s better to plan and think through a domestic violence safety plan than to pick up and leave but have to go back because you weren’t prepared.
When I left, I wasn’t prepared. My emergency plan assumed that I would stay with him until completing my bachelor’s degree. Part of me felt like I was betraying my husband in creating the safety plan. Writing it out felt horrible, and I wrote about my mistakes in “Emergency Plan = Emotional Pain”.
Your Domestic Violence Safety Plan
It is very important that you keep your safety plan confidential, too. Be very careful who you ask to help you plan your safety. Make sure the people you trust will not run back to your abuser and spill the beans. Even if you’re planning to stay, your abuser will not like that you’ve talked to anyone about what he does.
I received a safety plan through the Army (DD Form 2893), but it didn’t help me think through my safety while living with my abuser. I did create a safety plan to share with you that will help you to stay safe while living with your abuser and guide you toward planning a safe escape when (and if) you’re ready.
Download the Verbal Abuse Journal Safety Plan
As good as I think my safety plan is, I highly recommend that you speak with a counselor or hotline representative too. They have done this sort of planning before, and talking with them will make your planning easier and less stressful to complete.
Click to download the comprehensive safety plan that will help you stay safe whether you stay or leave here.
Many of my facebook friends have created their own safety plan, and many will be willing to help guide you through the process, if you ask.
Follow me on facebook here.
Please add your comments and suggestions for improvements to this plan below.
Dear Kellie Jo,
This is the most comprehensive safety plan I have ever seen. Here are some of the things I like about it, and that I think are special about it:
1. The signs that a partner is about to become abusive
2. The things I can do when I sense abuse is about to occur
3. What to do if you decide to return after an abusive episode.
I like that you repeat many times that the victim SHOULD NOT tell the abuser she is planning to leave. This is SO important!
The only thing I didn’t notice that I would add is to tell the victim if she does leave to leave her cell phone behind, so that the abuser cannot use it to track her.
OUTSTANDING job!
Caroline Abbott
I added your suggestions to the plan, Caroline. My blackberry was so crucial to my escape that I didn’t consider how a more technologically savvy abuser could use it as a weapon. Great idea!
Your safety plan is extremely well thought out. I particularly liked the what to do if the abuser if forced to leave section. A lot of the time the abuser is sent away from the home but what is keeping them from getting back in and exacting revenge? You have taken the time to inform people how to make their house safe for DV and how to make your home safer from everyone. There is one lock out there that can fix all these issues. It’s called the Ultimate Lock. I have them on my home. These are great for domestic violence because they have a lockout button. At night, for example, when I go to bed I push a mechanical button on my deadbolt that will ‘lock it down’ making all keys useless. If your abuser has been forced to leave and you are afraid he/she may have keys to get into your home then the Ultimate Lock can help reassure you when you are in the home.