Knowing the types of verbal abuse can put an end to the crazymaking and brainwashing of domestic violence and abuse. That’s a bold claim, but the reason you came to be abused is because you didn’t know what you were looking for. Once you learn the types of verbal abuse, it will be much harder for your partner to hurt you mentally or emotionally because you will see through what he or she is doing (or trying to do).
Types of Verbal Abuse, Brainwashing And Crazymaking
Crazymaking twists words and actions around in so many ways that the victim of abuse doesn’t realize s/he is manipulated and abused. Brainwashing prepares the victim to accept the lies of crazymaking and verbal abuse. The types of verbal abuse make crazymaking and brainwashing possible.
The types of verbal abuse amount to types of lies, and when the abuser employs crazymaking and brainwashing, too, it becomes very difficult to pull yourself out of the web. But that’s okay because this page explains the types of verbal abuse, you will learn them, and then your abuser can’t get away with them anymore.
Types of Verbal Abuse List With Description
Types of verbal abuse range from full on anger to forgetting on purpose. Even the silent treatment is a type of verbal abuse! The main point of every type of verbal abuse is to control the victim through confusion, delusion or fear. Recognizing the types of verbal abuse is the first step to overcoming its effects and regaining your mental health.
Each of the types of verbal abuse listed below links to a page that further explains the abuse and gives you suggestions on how to react to it. Changing your reaction to verbal abuse will change your relationship and lead to a stronger sense of self for you. Here’s a brief explanation of each of the types of verbal abuse:
Abuse Disguised As A Joke are jokes told at your expense that make you feel helpless or humiliated. You feel you should laugh with everyone else because they don’t see the abuse. Often, these jokes come from abuse inflicted at home that your partner wants to make light of in front of others.
Abusive Anger occurs when your partner does not use proper communication techniques. Instead, your partner throws a very scary tantrum complete with yelling, hitting or breaking things, getting in your face, or any other action that makes you freeze, flee, or fight back.
Accusing and Blaming is a type of verbal abuse that puts the current situation back on you as if you did something wrong. The abuser accuses you of cheating (that’s a big one) or trying to make him mad. The abuser blames you for whatever happened when there’s no way you could control it.
Blocking and Diverting is a type of verbal abuse in which the abuser does not let you get your point across usually because the abuser diverts the topic to something else. Sometimes, blocking means the abuser will not talk about what you want to talk about. At all.
Countering happens when the abuser will not accept what you say. It is different from disagreeing because countering can be so irrational that it is not considered a disagreement. Countering can make conversation so hard you stop offering your opinion, which is what your abuser wants you to do.
Denial is a type of verbal abuse that is exactly as it sounds: the abuser denies anything and everything, often to the point of irrationality like countering.
Deprivation or Withholding is a type of verbal abuse that involves little to no verbal communication. The abuser pulls away from the victim and won’t speak or touch or even acknowledge the victim (or your needs) exists.
Discounting happens when the abuser takes away from what you think, say or do so they do not have to face their poor behaviors. If the abuser can make you feel less important, then maybe you’ll leave them alone to do as they please.
Forgetting, especially forgetting things that are important to you, is another way to covertly tell you that you are unimportant or less than the abuser.
Judging and Criticizing is the type of verbal abuse in which the perpetrator puts you down without trying to hide it. The abuser will judge and criticize whether you’re alone or with other people.
Name Calling is exactly what it sounds like and often the only type of verbal abuse people understand to be abusive. However, there is more to name calling than you may think.
Ordering and Demanding occurs when your abuser tells you what to do and expects you to do it now. There is no excuse for not doing it now.
Threatening Behavior and Words is verbal abuse that borders on physical violence and includes overt threats to your safety (or your children, parents, pets, etc.)
Trivializing is a type of verbal abuse that takes away from your accomplishments, actions or ideas.
Undermining occurs when your abuser goes behind your back to sabotage you in some way.
*The types of verbal abuse listed above are from the book The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition: How to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia Evans, ISBN 1558505822, Adams Media Corporation, 1996. I highly recommend reading this book listing the types of verbal abuse and more!