Hi there! I’m happy to write to you today because you brighten my life. Our correspondence and interaction on Facebook remind me that we’re all in this together, even when I am the one feeling low.
Reaching out and connecting with other survivors helps us to heal faster, feel stronger, and realize more happiness than we can alone. You have “people” to support you if you reach out for it. Join us on my Facebook page and you’ll feel the love!
Today, I would like to share with you a couple of the emails I’ve received. All the names are changed (of course), but the concerns the writers express show how much we have in common.
I hope your day is beautiful!
Love, Light, and Laughter,
Kellie Jo Holly
Kellie, You put everything in perfect perspective…in a way I haven’t thought about this before. Thank you so much. Right now I’m praying for courage.
You’ve already got the courage. You’ve stood up to a demon (Abuse) and come out alive on the other side. If you keep praying for courage, you’ll keep getting situations that require it! I haven’t found a downside to praying for wisdom and insight. That type of understanding helps us to govern ourselves in ways we’re proud of and to block out people who just don’t fit our version of a “nice, decent person”.
I’m glad I could provide a different perspective.
What do you pray for? What do you want?
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I feel blessed that a talented artist decided to donate 10% of her profits to The Emergency Fund! Jyl, Ion Jewellery’s creator, handcrafts every piece of her unique collection. There are items that speak of the sea or display the colors of the peacock and many other beautiful themes.
If you love quality, craftsmanship, and unique art to wear, I think you’ll find your special piece in Jyl’s Etsy Store.
“I’m Gonna Break You”
Hi Kellie, I wanna ask you a question and if you don’t know maybe you can help me find the answer. My ex said that he was “going to break me.” Any idea what this statement means? I’ve been trying to forget it, but I just can’t seem to. I figure if I get the definition maybe I can let it go.
He is going to break your spirit and your mind, possibly your body in the process – if you let him. Have you heard of “breakdowns” when people “just lose it” and can’t function for a period of time? If he succeeds in “breaking you” then you will be under his control (again). He hates it that you are okay without him. His attacks could come from any direction. His words are threatening. Put a safety plan in play.
If he can’t get to you emotionally, he could try financially or physically or via the “rumor mill”. Change all the passwords to all of your accounts and get safe online. Watch for him when you’re out shopping. Keep your car in the garage (if possible). Get some pepper spray. Talk to your boss and let them know what you’re comfortable with them knowing. Think of saying something along the lines of “he is a serious danger to me.”
After you do everything you can think of stay as safe as possible, live your life normally and let it go, knowing you are as SAFE as possible.
If he escalates to anything sounding like, “I am going to hurt you” or “I am going to kill you” then press charges for communicating a threat. Don’t take his bulls*!t.
Now, perhaps all of that is overkill. Only you know him; I don’t. But I think that because you can’t forget it, then it is important. I recommend that you take his threat seriously BUT AFTER YOU’VE PLANNED YOUR SAFETY, you let it go as much as possible. And quit talking to him, emailing him, etc. Cut him out.
Read The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. I sense that what you’re feeling is fear that you’re unaccustomed to responding to because of the abuse. Abuse makes us forget when to be afraid. But the good news is you did respond to your fear. You reached out.
A safety plan is important if you maintain contact with your abuser for any reason. I recently learned that my ex wants to kill me after our youngest son turns 18. I thought that because I am over him, he would be over me, too. Don’t make my mistake – abusive people are not normal people. Sometimes they do not “move on”.
Recently the No Longer Silent Movement interviewed me because, well, I am no longer silent about the abuse I experienced. I love the NoLo Movement’s blog because it showcases many abuse survivors from all walks of life. See my interview at Superstar Survivor Kellie Jo Holly.
Check Out All The Superstar Survivors! (Editor’s note: no hyperlinks because the website is no longer there.)
How Can I Serve You?
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Thank you for reading, and I can’t wait to hear from you!