When I went back to school I didn’t consult Will. I just did it. He said, “Well, all right. But I hope you don’t forget you’re a wife and mother first.” As if I could forget that.
Perhaps one of the reasons I stayed in my abusive marriage was because I wanted to get it right. Before Will, I hadn’t failed at anything important to me. My marriage was important to me. I put pressure on myself to make it work. Failure, I thought, would kill me.
April 2, 2001
“Improving our own attitudes and our own state of mind takes time. Haste and impatience can only defeat our purpose.”
Right now, while I am trying some new things to improve my life, I can’t be too hard on myself.
I am trying to develop some control in my life, but in doing so, I overdo it a lot. I wonder if that’s why I’ve failed before? Not because I lose interest, but because I am not perfect from the beginning.
Where did I get the idea that I have to be good or perfect at everything?
I cannot study when Will is here. He acts like a four-year-old, demanding my attention for, excuse me, stupid things. Watch this commercial, let me tell you a joke, where is the toilet paper, and on and on and on. Ridiculous. Eddie gives me more peace to do my work, so I’ll study during the day when Will isn’t here.