Um. This sounds like the rape from when I was 14. I didn’t tell either to stop. They were both “sweet” afterwards. I made the excuse that neither of them had really known what they had done. I felt dirty and ashamed after both attacks.

The sick difference is that this time, it was my husband.

One more thing, I think Will DID know what he was doing. He was sweet right after, but said he didn’t want to feel this way again – what “way” was he talking about? He felt bad which meant he knew what he was doing.

I never mentioned it to him. It became another thing I tried to shove from my mind.

April 8, 2001

Sex was bad last night – scary – I felt like Will was punishing me, but I didn’t tell him to stop.

I will have to talk about that after school today, but he was so sweet afterward last night. We actually talked about some fun stuff after he said he didn’t want things to “feel like this again.”

He really didn’t know what happened, and that’s why we have to talk today. I just couldn’t bear to mention it last night.