How My Husband Uses Threatening Behavior and Words

My husband uses threatening behavior to let me know that he is in control and to tell me that I had better just shut up or do as he says OR ELSE he MAY hurt me physically.

Threatening behavior includes implying that he’s going to harm me physically with behavior such as backing me into a corner, getting right up in my face while yelling and red-faced, acting like he’s wringing my neck at a distance, or kicking a chair, punching cabinets, etc. while I am in his presence. He has also threatened my pets to coerce me to do what he wanted.

Many times when he’s in this state, he’ll say, “Is this what you want?! Do you want me to lose control like this?! You must want me pissed off – why else would you do this to me?!” He wants me to think he’s out of control and more threatening – but asking that question of me tells me that he is very much in control of himself. He knows what he’s doing. He’s acting like this ON PURPOSE.

The night I left for good, I was on the phone with the police dispatcher. She’d asked me to stay on the line until the officer arrived. My husband stormed about the house, replacing the dresser he’d pressed into the wall while shoving his way through the bedroom door to get me. He came out of the bedroom and picked up his knife – a sharp jack knife with a 4 inch blade. He glared at me and … opened a piece of nicorette gum.

I was calm, but his action scared me to death. I was giving the dispatcher an accurate account of what was happening as she’d asked. When the officer arrived, I realized he’d been listening in on the call. Will locked us out of the house, but my keys were in my pocket and the officer opened the door with his tazer drawn.

If cops take the presence of a weapon seriously, shouldn’t we?

How to React to Threatening Behavior and Words

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Other Types of Verbal Abuse

• Abuse Disguised as a Joke
• Abusive Anger
• Accusing & Blaming
• Blocking and Diverting
• Countering
• Denial
• Deprivation or Withholding
• Discounting
• Forgetting
• Judging and Criticizing
• Name Calling
• Ordering & Demanding
• Trivializing
• Undermining

Based on the book The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, ISBN 1558503048, Adams Media, February 2003 and my experiences with verbal abuse.