How My Husband Uses Ordering And Demanding

When my husband orders me around or demands certain behaviors of me, it is his way of directly controlling me. In the past, ordering and demanding worked well for him because his other threatening and scary behaviors had accomplished his goal of scaring the resistance out of me. I was in “shell-shock” much of the time, and it was easier to do as he said than to expose myself to another round of abusive anger, threatening behavior, and all the rest.

He loved to take me to parties when he knew I was in this state of fear. While there, I felt compelled to laugh at the jokes he made about me while fetching his beer and fixing his plate before my own. He would brag, saying things like,“This is how home-training works!” as I brought him another drink.

When the fear effect wore off a little, he wouldn’t have to do or say too much to put me right back in the state of being his willing sheep.

How to React to Ordering & Demanding

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Other Types of Verbal Abuse

• Abuse Disguised as a Joke
• Abusive Anger
• Accusing & Blaming
• Blocking and Diverting
• Countering
• Denial
• Deprivation or Withholding
• Discounting
• Forgetting
• Judging and Criticizing
• Name Calling
• Threatening Behavior And Words
• Trivializing
• Undermining

Based on the book The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, ISBN 1558503048, Adams Media, February 2003 and my experiences with verbal abuse.