My Verbally Abusive Marriage

Unfortunately, the stories of abuse keep pouring in. Whereas I like to see them because I know these courageous women’s stories will help someone else, I don’t like them because they’re happening, right now. What would our world be like if there was no abuse? We’ll have to wait awhile to find out.

In the meantime, please read and share these stories. See if you see yourself or someone you know because recognizing or identifying abuse is the first step to ending it.

Here are the stories of abuse and the words the abuse sufferers use to describe their experience:

• Susan – Fear, Sadness, Disgust
• Angela – Pain, Dazed, SHOCK
• Jan – Anger, Sadness, Unfairness
• Karen – Despair, Sadness, Anxiety
• Christy – Worthless, Alone, Suicidal
• Sheri – Trapped, Misunderstood, Alone
• Leah – Confusion, Anxiety, and Panic

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A reminder: Contact me if you would like me to mentor you in your quest to overcome abuse and/or the effects of prior abuse.

This past summer’s testimonials came from several brave people who reached out to share their experiences. Doing so was good for them and good for us. Those of us still in abusive relationships can find validation in their experience, to know we’re not alone. Those of us out of abusive relationships can remember why we left and reflect on the chaos we once called our lives compared to the serenity and empowerment we now feel.

My heartfelt wishes of peace are with all of you. Thank you for sharing your stories of abuse.

• Steve - Sad, angry and confused
• Linda - Sadness, frustration, sense of unreality
• Courtney – Sadness, failure, frustration
• Kacy – Depression, guilt, failure
• Marla – Crazy, insane, useless
• Gina – Confusion, despair, hurt
• Alyssa – Anger, numbness, despair
• Ann – Shame, guilt, fear

Writing the post on anger yesterday brought up some bad memories. My ex-husband once terrorized my mind with his wrath. (What will he be like tonight? Is it a good time to ask him now? What do I need to do before I run these errands so he’s not angry when I return?)

Punishment for not reading his mind correctly could be severe. His anger intimidated me. It put me in my place – firmly beneath his heel.. He’d turn beet red, hazel eyes turned to green, brows knitted under his deeply lined forehead, lips alternating between a sneer and a scowl.

Continue reading

My brain hit the ground running this morning. I tried unsuccessfully to feel the warmth of Max beside me, the soft wind from the fan and the cozy-soft microfiber sheets. But my brain wouldn’t have it. It was like while sleeping, it discovered all the answers and couldn’t wait to put me into action.

Unfortunately, those answers got lost in transitioning from sleeping to waking, and I found myself bombarded with noisy kids, messy house, and the other signs that I wasn’t in control of much at all.

I want to have my peaceful home back, the one that I miraculously found in May of 2010 that enabled me to think to myself without interruption. I miss my safe, silent, cocoon. Continue reading

I wrote this in my journal two weeks after separating from Will, my abusive ex-husband. I know at least one of you recently left your abuser, so when I read this today, I thought of you and the turmoil you may feel. Continue reading

Melissa – My abuser has a high income and we have a beautiful home, although nothing is in my name. Everything he has is new and nice, I have 6 year old glasses, a dilapidated mattress to sleep on, and no adequate clothing. I haven’t had a winter coat in 4 years. You’d never know this if you came to my home.

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Emilie - I’m still not sure. I’m 18, it still feels like I’m too much of a child to be in this mess.

*I am impressed with Emilie’s maturity and clear headed-ness. She “knows” but isn’t ready to say the abuse is not in her imagination.

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Jill - He said he was abused first, because I finally yelled at him for one more lost, broken promise…and then he grabbed my collar and pinned me against he sink with his feet on top of mine and backing up only would land me in a further corner and he screamed an inch from my face to stop yelling at him as he bent me backwards. I thought he would break my back. I said nothing.

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Cindy – With the name calling, cursing, yelling and threats of physical violence [the abuse] has become obvious.

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Felicia – The abuse started when he tried to hurt me physically and make me cry – I am so afraid of him hurting me that if ever tries to hit me again I will have to leave.

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