My Verbally Abusive Marriage

Not too tired to care
The pain in my chest comes and goes
The pain in my heart is always there
But I’m just too tired to cry

The days turn into weeks
The weeks turn into months
The months turn into years
And still, I’m too tired to cry

Exhausted from the fear
Worry that never sleeps
Haunting memories
I’m too tired to cry

Sorrow, like a knife
It reaches deep within me
Death, whispers my name
I weep

~Anonymous

Anonymous suffered domestic abuse up until she left her abuser a few years ago, yet she wrote this poem only days ago.

The effects of domestic abuse embed themselves into our hearts and can carry far into our futures.

Please pray for current and previous abuse victims that their unseen wounds heal and they find the power to detach from abuse and the memories of it.

Une Vie, a new blog, stands on the threshold of liberating its writer and many others who care to follow her story of abuse. The writer contacted me to let me know she identified the issues in her marriage as abusive and is ready to do something about it. I’m so excited for her!

Running From Abuse is another new blog in which our heroine fights for her independence from an abusive relationship. Her story inspires courage against the odds and is well-worth reading.

Please read and comment and share the links to their blogs on your networks.

Unfortunately, the stories of abuse keep pouring in. Whereas I like to see them because I know these courageous women’s stories will help someone else, I don’t like them because they’re happening, right now. What would our world be like if there was no abuse? We’ll have to wait awhile to find out.

In the meantime, please read and share these stories. See if you see yourself or someone you know because recognizing or identifying abuse is the first step to ending it.

Here are the stories of abuse and the words the abuse sufferers use to describe their experience:

• Susan – Fear, Sadness, Disgust
• Angela – Pain, Dazed, SHOCK
• Jan – Anger, Sadness, Unfairness
• Karen – Despair, Sadness, Anxiety
• Christy – Worthless, Alone, Suicidal
• Sheri – Trapped, Misunderstood, Alone
• Leah – Confusion, Anxiety, and Panic

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A reminder: Contact me if you would like me to mentor you in your quest to overcome abuse and/or the effects of prior abuse.

This past summer’s testimonials came from several brave people who reached out to share their experiences. Doing so was good for them and good for us. Those of us still in abusive relationships can find validation in their experience, to know we’re not alone. Those of us out of abusive relationships can remember why we left and reflect on the chaos we once called our lives compared to the serenity and empowerment we now feel.

My heartfelt wishes of peace are with all of you. Thank you for sharing your stories of abuse.

• Steve - Sad, angry and confused
• Linda - Sadness, frustration, sense of unreality
• Courtney – Sadness, failure, frustration
• Kacy – Depression, guilt, failure
• Marla – Crazy, insane, useless
• Gina – Confusion, despair, hurt
• Alyssa – Anger, numbness, despair
• Ann – Shame, guilt, fear

Writing the post on anger yesterday brought up some bad memories. My ex-husband once terrorized my mind with his wrath. (What will he be like tonight? Is it a good time to ask him now? What do I need to do before I run these errands so he’s not angry when I return?)

Punishment for not reading his mind correctly could be severe. His anger intimidated me. It put me in my place – firmly beneath his heel.. He’d turn beet red, hazel eyes turned to green, brows knitted under his deeply lined forehead, lips alternating between a sneer and a scowl.

Continue reading

My brain hit the ground running this morning. I tried unsuccessfully to feel the warmth of Max beside me, the soft wind from the fan and the cozy-soft microfiber sheets. But my brain wouldn’t have it. It was like while sleeping, it discovered all the answers and couldn’t wait to put me into action.

Unfortunately, those answers got lost in transitioning from sleeping to waking, and I found myself bombarded with noisy kids, messy house, and the other signs that I wasn’t in control of much at all.

I want to have my peaceful home back, the one that I miraculously found in May of 2010 that enabled me to think to myself without interruption. I miss my safe, silent, cocoon. Continue reading

I wrote this in my journal two weeks after separating from Will, my abusive ex-husband. I know at least one of you recently left your abuser, so when I read this today, I thought of you and the turmoil you may feel. Continue reading

Melissa – My abuser has a high income and we have a beautiful home, although nothing is in my name. Everything he has is new and nice, I have 6 year old glasses, a dilapidated mattress to sleep on, and no adequate clothing. I haven’t had a winter coat in 4 years. You’d never know this if you came to my home.

See all abuse testimonials

Emilie - I’m still not sure. I’m 18, it still feels like I’m too much of a child to be in this mess.

*I am impressed with Emilie’s maturity and clear headed-ness. She “knows” but isn’t ready to say the abuse is not in her imagination.

See all abuse testimonials

Jill - He said he was abused first, because I finally yelled at him for one more lost, broken promise…and then he grabbed my collar and pinned me against he sink with his feet on top of mine and backing up only would land me in a further corner and he screamed an inch from my face to stop yelling at him as he bent me backwards. I thought he would break my back. I said nothing.

See all abuse testimonials