Have you been given bad advice by a member of the clergy? Did you feel blamed for the abuse in your relationship instead of helped? Have you been told to carry the water and serve the one who abused you?
If so, then you know that some clergy must be better educated about the dynamics of abuse.
Doug and Cindy Burrell’s ministry is about to take a giant, positive leap forward. They are speaking at a church about the harm done to abuse victims by clergy attempting to follow “God’s Word” but overlooking key scriptures in support of ending abuse.
Your experience will benefit their ministry and change someone’s life for the better.
If you would like to be a part of the story and positively impact the ways in which the church counsels domestic abuse victims, please contact them via the form at Cindy Burrell’s website, Hurt By Love.
Insisting on a commitment early in a relationship is a red flag marking a possible abuser. Commitments range from having sex to proclaiming love at first sight! Some commitments are implied, some are coerced, and others are demanded. Continue reading
So…last weekend there was a touching scene between my son and his father on my front porch. There was a hug and Will said ”You look good, son!” Will looked genuinely happy to see Marc, and vise-verse.
Fast forward to today when I, in my brilliance, decide to call Will. I tell him that Marc feels depressed and it is a good time to run over to my house and ask Marc if he’d like to go out and get some sunshine. The scene on the porch encouraged my suggestion.
(La dee da, Kellie hums to herself, I’m doing a good thing for my boy by communicating with my horrible – oops, I mean, Marc’s father, la dee da la dee da!) Hey – don’t knock it. It was a nice fantasy while it lasted. Continue reading
I like how Katheryn Lee-Ryder named her radio series “Roadmap to Freedom”. It’s the perfect name for people stuck in abusive relationships! Sometimes victims stay because there’s no direction on how to free themselves.
Abuse diminishes our ability to see our way free. We victims become reliant on the most unreliable source in the world (our abuser!) for help and how-to-almost anything.
Your abuser isn’t going to give you a map to freedom, but I think Ms. Lee-Ryder will.
If you’re interested in learning more about her program, Click Here!
This past summer’s testimonials came from several brave people who reached out to share their experiences. Doing so was good for them and good for us. Those of us still in abusive relationships can find validation in their experience, to know we’re not alone. Those of us out of abusive relationships can remember why we left and reflect on the chaos we once called our lives compared to the serenity and empowerment we now feel.
My heartfelt wishes of peace are with all of you. Thank you for sharing your stories of abuse.
Well, I’ve finally learned my lesson. Amy must leave my home; she is a detriment to my son’s recovery.
Amy’s sweet demeanor helps me to love her. Her abusive past, her uncaring (unfit) parents, her drug addiction and codependent behavior make me want to help her grow strong and healthy.
I want to fix her. I want my codependent nature to work for someone for a change. It is time for me to realize that anytime I try to fix someone or their situation, I only hurt myself and all the other people I love.
I do not think my relationship to Amy was codependent-related in the beginning. I saw a young woman, desperate for a chance to prove herself, begging for an opportunity to flourish. I knew that she could do that in my home, and despite the odds, I gave her that chance. Continue reading
A post I left out of the mix due to the divorce proceedings. This post dates about 6 months into our separation.
June 6, 2010
So the past few weeks with Will have gone pretty smoothly. We’ve had some pretty cool conversations considering what we’re going through and how we’re at odds over SO many aspects of custody and finances. Actually, I don’t know how at odds we are about the finances; we haven’t moved out of the custody phase yet. He refuses to negotiate finances until I agree to his custody demands.
I did not write this essay. I found it at http://www.conversationsforabetterworld.com/2009/11/domestic-violence/ in response to a comment I posted in 2009. I admire this woman’s depth of thought, and since we’ve been discussing courts, law, etc. on facebook, I thought it was a relevant idea to share.
I left my abusive husband Jan. 8, 2009 after being together for almost 11 years. I endured every kind of abuse there is: psychological, emotional, verbal, sexual, economic and physical. We have 4 children together and they were a major reason for me staying for so long. I tried to keep the family together and I was a stay at home mom. My children and I were immediately placed in a confidential DV shelter where we stayed for 2 months. We then went to stay with my sister for 4 months, my mom for 2 weeks, and we’ve been with a friend living in her basement since August. Continue reading
Demons worry that we will know their names (all the horror movies say so and, actually, my angel says so, too.) Once we name the demon, once we recognize it, it loses its power.
For example, when I admitted to myself that the demon in my marriage was ABUSE (not Will, but ABUSE), the abuse held less power over me. The demon flared up in a fiery attempt to terrify me, yet, after its temper tantrum, I stood strong and continued to call it by name. Will thinks I demonized him, but I think I demonized his behavior.
Will never admitted to Abuse living in our marriage. He still doesn’t. The demon may keep a hold on Will, but it doesn’t confine me.
My goal is to unmask verbal, emotional and mental abuse by sharing my personal journals and experiences.
I hope that the abuse sufferers who read my journals will find validation for their own thoughts, feelings and experiences.
In finding validation, I hope abuse survivors feel empowered to trust their own judgments and begin to make the changes necessary in order to live a life of true peace and fulfillment.
