My Verbally Abusive Marriage

Penny felt embarassed, stupid, and emotional pain during her abusive experience. She found out she was being abused when she “felt something was not right”, lost, and unloved (among other things).

Penny writes:

I went back to this relationship 3 times, I was 29 when I first met her and I was 52 when I left for good. I felt that I could change her - but that didn’t happen. She and her son would always put me down about what I felt and said, and do the same to my son as well.

I would always buy her gifts, as she would me, but she would say ”what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine”. Her gifts she gave me were always hers as well.

They were control freaks and would get in your face if you didn’t agree with them. They both have high IQs, so I put my trust in them. … That would hurt me seeing my child hurting and he later ran away. When he came back 2 weeks later she yelled at him and hit him.

I felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it. [continued]

Read the rest of Penny’s Story and then please share your comments below.

Break the silence of your abuse at Share Your Experience

I’m confused. I’m missing a link somewhere between where I am and where I am headed.

I am working from home and in school full-time. I am surviving on a small settlement in the interim, planning on it to last until I make the money I need to support myself. I do not want to go to work for anyone else (as in a “real job”) because I want to budget my own time, use my own ideas, be my own boss.

I am investing in myself with the settlement. I could have invested the settlement in an IRA account. I could have hoarded it in a savings account or cd’s. But I’m not. I’m living on it. For now.

And I’m scared.

I’m missing a link. I don’t know what to do.

My husband is a soldier and currently deployed. There is so much I truly don’t know where to start…

We just had a baby boy – he is 3 months old – and 2 weeks after he was born, my husband went to a rave, which he knows I absolutely hate, and lied to me about it! But when I found out the truth, I asked him why he wouldn’t just tell me the truth.

He replied because I would have gotten mad, but said he didn’t care – he would do what he wanted and I couldn’t stop him. He didn’t come home until 11 the next morning. Continue reading

My memories are like an old thriller that keeps replaying the same scenes when I go back and try to rethink it. I often catch myself trying to justify my childhood. When I think back to the horrible events that have happened over the years, I can tell you I’m grateful for my life today. I love who I have become. Although I can’t change my past I can understand it. Writing this will be the first time I have come clean, another way of putting it behind me. I’ve wanted to let this out for some time now.

My name is Joe. As a young boy, I lived with my mom and dad and my sister. My sister was my closest friend. She was part of me as I was part of her. Dad abused my mom, sister, and me. My dad, who I thought was a normal average father and husband.

In 1975, I was five and my sister was three. We had money at this time of my life because my dad held a good job and important job. I remember being proud of what my dad did for work. I wanted to follow in his footsteps. I wanted to be just like him.

He had come from a hard childhood, in an out of foster homes and being abused by his parents. Alcohol played a big role in Dad’s life. He drank while he was a young man and he still does. He also liked guns. My sister and I grew up under the threat of guns an booze. Continue reading

This month, so far, I’ve received three stories from brave women. Two of them speak to financial abuse also, and Sarah has a blog.

These are their stories:

Rose Felt Worthless, Stuck, and Crazy

Laura Felt Devastated, Frustrated, and Shocked

Sarah Felt Betrayed, Sorrow, Brokenhearted (Sarah’s Blog: Sarah Found Her Voice)

Not too tired to care
The pain in my chest comes and goes
The pain in my heart is always there
But I’m just too tired to cry

The days turn into weeks
The weeks turn into months
The months turn into years
And still, I’m too tired to cry

Exhausted from the fear
Worry that never sleeps
Haunting memories
I’m too tired to cry

Sorrow, like a knife
It reaches deep within me
Death, whispers my name
I weep

~Anonymous

Anonymous suffered domestic abuse up until she left her abuser a few years ago, yet she wrote this poem only days ago.

The effects of domestic abuse embed themselves into our hearts and can carry far into our futures.

Please pray for current and previous abuse victims that their unseen wounds heal and they find the power to detach from abuse and the memories of it.

Unfortunately, the stories of abuse keep pouring in. Whereas I like to see them because I know these courageous women’s stories will help someone else, I don’t like them because they’re happening, right now. What would our world be like if there was no abuse? We’ll have to wait awhile to find out.

In the meantime, please read and share these stories. See if you see yourself or someone you know because recognizing or identifying abuse is the first step to ending it.

Here are the stories of abuse and the words the abuse sufferers use to describe their experience:

• Susan – Fear, Sadness, Disgust
• Angela – Pain, Dazed, SHOCK
• Jan – Anger, Sadness, Unfairness
• Karen – Despair, Sadness, Anxiety
• Christy – Worthless, Alone, Suicidal
• Sheri – Trapped, Misunderstood, Alone
• Leah – Confusion, Anxiety, and Panic

———–

A reminder: Contact me if you would like me to mentor you in your quest to overcome abuse and/or the effects of prior abuse.

This past summer’s testimonials came from several brave people who reached out to share their experiences. Doing so was good for them and good for us. Those of us still in abusive relationships can find validation in their experience, to know we’re not alone. Those of us out of abusive relationships can remember why we left and reflect on the chaos we once called our lives compared to the serenity and empowerment we now feel.

My heartfelt wishes of peace are with all of you. Thank you for sharing your stories of abuse.

• Steve - Sad, angry and confused
• Linda - Sadness, frustration, sense of unreality
• Courtney – Sadness, failure, frustration
• Kacy – Depression, guilt, failure
• Marla – Crazy, insane, useless
• Gina – Confusion, despair, hurt
• Alyssa – Anger, numbness, despair
• Ann – Shame, guilt, fear

Well, I’ve finally learned my lesson. Amy must leave my home; she is a detriment to my son’s recovery.

Amy’s sweet demeanor helps me to love her. Her abusive past, her uncaring (unfit) parents, her drug addiction and codependent behavior make me want to help her grow strong and healthy.

I want to fix her. I want my codependent nature to work for someone for a change. It is time for me to realize that anytime I try to fix someone or their situation, I only hurt myself and all the other people I love.

I do not think my relationship to Amy was codependent-related in the beginning. I saw a young woman, desperate for a chance to prove herself, begging for an opportunity to flourish. I knew that she could do that in my home, and despite the odds, I gave her that chance. Continue reading

Writing the post on anger yesterday brought up some bad memories. My ex-husband once terrorized my mind with his wrath. (What will he be like tonight? Is it a good time to ask him now? What do I need to do before I run these errands so he’s not angry when I return?)

Punishment for not reading his mind correctly could be severe. His anger intimidated me. It put me in my place – firmly beneath his heel.. He’d turn beet red, hazel eyes turned to green, brows knitted under his deeply lined forehead, lips alternating between a sneer and a scowl.

Continue reading