And, yes. Laughter, playing, and hope is real. It is real if you believe it to be, so please, PLEASE believe it to be real. Think back to a time when you felt so very happy. That was real, and that is proof that it exists. You will find it again, Kellie. I promise.

This is my first time on your blog and I’m *so* thankful to see you’re out.

Now, visualize it. See it. Create a movie in your mind that encompasses all of what you want, and play that movie at least 2 times per day – once in the morning and once just before bed.

Come up with a short, 1-3 word, affirmation for what you want. Say that affirmation often. Repeat it over and over. It is a way to ingrain what you want into your subconscious mind. We all know when your subconscious accepts something as true, it will see to it that it will happen!

Act as if it is already happening. I know there are situations in your life right now that can make this seem almost impossible. The key is to take the time and really KNOW it is coming. You said that you already feel it is your reality – GREAT! Do whatever it takes to keep that thought! When you have created this shift – the one where you believe it to be yours – you are allowing it to manifest in your life.

ADD DATES! When do you expect to have these things? The Universe, Spirit, etc. likes to know that you have a definite timeline. The key – make it a timeline that you can believe in.

You GOT this, Kellie! I am so proud of you!

If you want to try to understand why your son said those things and what you can do to help the situation, please read the book titled: “When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal”

Good luck to you and know you’re not alone!

I think that is a very important sign for people to look for… and one that is often overlooked or explained by the abused.

I only say this because by him taking you out of your own life allowed this anger to become worse – or allowed him an outlet.

I like the last sentence in this post – “But right now, I’m doing the best I can with the knowledge I have. That will have to be enough.”

It was enough. Life is good.

Good luck with everything!!!

Just like with relationship troubles, relationship victories “take two to tango”. In order for my plan to work, he needed to participate in ending HIS part of the abusive cycle.

He refused to do that.

In the end, he flew into an abusive rage and I left the marriage.

In reviewing the options I gave, not one of them was a positive one for me. In the end, leaving was my only solution.

Advice for other couples? If the abuser is willing to completely change their behavior and mental coping mechanisms, and the victim is willing to do the same, AND they receive individual and marital counseling, then maybe there’s hope for the relationship.

However, during the course of counseling, one or both may realize that too much damage was done and it cannot be repaired in this lifetime. I feel that would have been the outcome for me and my ex if he’d wanted to change…

The best advice I can offer is to the victim: do the hard work on your own, come up with a safety plan “just in case”, and learn to detach from the abuse. But fair warning: you may find that you spend so much time detaching from the abuse (and the abuser) that there is no true relationship to stay within.

After all of that, my heart is screaming to tell you to LEAVE. Just go. Your leaving will do two things: give you time to think for yourself and distance from the abuser. You need both of those things more than you realize.