This is my first time on your blog and I’m *so* thankful to see you’re out.

Now, visualize it. See it. Create a movie in your mind that encompasses all of what you want, and play that movie at least 2 times per day – once in the morning and once just before bed.

Come up with a short, 1-3 word, affirmation for what you want. Say that affirmation often. Repeat it over and over. It is a way to ingrain what you want into your subconscious mind. We all know when your subconscious accepts something as true, it will see to it that it will happen!

Act as if it is already happening. I know there are situations in your life right now that can make this seem almost impossible. The key is to take the time and really KNOW it is coming. You said that you already feel it is your reality – GREAT! Do whatever it takes to keep that thought! When you have created this shift – the one where you believe it to be yours – you are allowing it to manifest in your life.

ADD DATES! When do you expect to have these things? The Universe, Spirit, etc. likes to know that you have a definite timeline. The key – make it a timeline that you can believe in.

You GOT this, Kellie! I am so proud of you!

If you want to try to understand why your son said those things and what you can do to help the situation, please read the book titled: “When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal”

Good luck to you and know you’re not alone!

I think that is a very important sign for people to look for… and one that is often overlooked or explained by the abused.

I only say this because by him taking you out of your own life allowed this anger to become worse – or allowed him an outlet.

I like the last sentence in this post – “But right now, I’m doing the best I can with the knowledge I have. That will have to be enough.”

It was enough. Life is good.

Good luck with everything!!!

Just like with relationship troubles, relationship victories “take two to tango”. In order for my plan to work, he needed to participate in ending HIS part of the abusive cycle.

He refused to do that.

In the end, he flew into an abusive rage and I left the marriage.

In reviewing the options I gave, not one of them was a positive one for me. In the end, leaving was my only solution.

Advice for other couples? If the abuser is willing to completely change their behavior and mental coping mechanisms, and the victim is willing to do the same, AND they receive individual and marital counseling, then maybe there’s hope for the relationship.

However, during the course of counseling, one or both may realize that too much damage was done and it cannot be repaired in this lifetime. I feel that would have been the outcome for me and my ex if he’d wanted to change…

The best advice I can offer is to the victim: do the hard work on your own, come up with a safety plan “just in case”, and learn to detach from the abuse. But fair warning: you may find that you spend so much time detaching from the abuse (and the abuser) that there is no true relationship to stay within.

After all of that, my heart is screaming to tell you to LEAVE. Just go. Your leaving will do two things: give you time to think for yourself and distance from the abuser. You need both of those things more than you realize.

I have seen suffering and pain in so many women I have known over the years, I grew up in a neighbourhood where it was very common. At least in my case only one of my parents was a violent drunk, many of my contemporaries had two alcoholic, unpredictable, dangerous parents.

My mum was a victim of abuse, both from her father and my father, they were both drunken, violent, angry and foul mouthed men – and at this point in my life I feel a great deal of sorrow for them both, which is a good place to be in, as I can think of my mum and my dad without anger now, and focus on some of the positives.

I believe I was saved from marrying my father, as many people are said to do, by having a big brother 9 years older than me. When I was young, he was my role model, he was a man to me. He was (and is) intelligent, calm, good natured. Back then he never drank alcohol either. The man I married, though far from perfect (who is?!) is a reflection of my big brother and certainly not my dad, and I am so very grateful for that.

You are so courageous to do something about this and try to rescue your children, your hostages to fortune, from this environment. My mum never did, she talked endlessly about it and every time she said we were leaving I would feel hope, and every time she stayed I would be crushed. She did make my dad leave at one point, when I was about 18. What a glorious, peaceful, wonderful year that was for my younger brother and myself. Even the dog was so happy and calm.

When she took him back, as I knew and dreaded in my heart that she would, I left home again immediately. I remember how furious I felt and how distressed that, once again, my younger brother would have to tolerate this man. My brothers and I knew his “good” behaviour would last no more than a few months, and we were, unfortunately, right.

For a long, long time I was so angry with my mum for not protecting us, by simply leaving. It withered my feelings for her and we never had the closeness a mother and daughter should. My mum is gone now, both my parents died a few years ago. I am glad I was able, in their last years, to be kind to them both and not berate them for what they did or didn’t do. I was able to at least say the words of forgiveness that my mum needed to hear, even when I didn’t always feel them. Their lives, after all, had been her own punishment. I had to flee across the world from Scotland to Australia though to really escape the environment, and them.

I left my anger behind a long time ago, but what is really sad is that, when it comes to parenting, they basically only taught me what NOT to do.

I haven’t read through all your blog yet, just a few posts, though I will, over time. I think I just wanted to say, well done, you are so brave. Never doubt that you are doing the right thing to rescue your children from an abusive environment. That was a dream that never came true for me.

I wish you all the very best and hope with all my heart that you and your sons can find peace, calm and happiness.

Alison

I also struggled with the “right” thing to do. When he hurt me physically the last time, I left. I hope you don’t wait for that to happen to you. Life is too short. Trust YOUR feeling, Kacy.

I am late 30s with two young boys in a very small town. My fictitious hope keeps leading me to another cycle of rage. I keep hoping something will stop him. I am keenly aware right now how much HE has stolen from me.

I see the fog of despair and depression stealing my energy and time with my children. I sit near them as they play but my mind is gone… trying to stop this pain. I guess I am most ashamed of the fact that I am unloved. I am so ashamed that I was so difficult to love. I am depressed and angry that someone could treat me this way with no remorse… like I don’t matter at all. I resist fully breaking the silence and fear because I am just so damned afraid of what he will do. I am a stay at home mom and I am so fearful of what this will do, how I will make it, and mostly what it will do to my kids… I get the feeling that I should leave, but I just can’t believe that it is the “right” thing to do.