You asked that we not comment things like “But Kellie, you were justified” or “You were in the middle of a horrible situation!”. You said that for a reason. You know they are true; but you are also trying to figure out exactly where you stand in the whole situation.

Please don’t deny yourself the courtesy of realizing you were ultimately REACTING. EVEN if you were the one to start the offense.

About your blog. I swear. Don’t let Will (or anybody else) convince you to take it down. That blows me away. You are speaking the truth on here. You are using it to work your way through a horrible life situation. You DESERVE this; and so does anybody else who reads it in order to have realizations in their own lives. If it “embarrasses” him – he shouldn’t acted in the way that he has.

By Will telling you that it is an embarrassment – it is another form of manipulation. If HE were actually working through this problem, he would realize that he has to own up to his actions. He is not doing that. He wants them gone.

If YOU don’t want to continue on, I will. I will write about being the sister of a woman who endures this abuse and manipulation. Your story MUST be told. It will be much, much better coming from you. You are on a life path here, Kellie. Keep it up, and don’t feel the least bit guilty. After all, you are just presenting the truth.

(Good job on registering those business names BTW!)

In the spirit of the first half of your post… I am biting my tongue, or tying my fingers, when I say the following. Just remember:

NOBODY’S PERFECT.

I love you. You are a wonderful person; and you are doing the right thing here.

Ahura Mazda and Anra Mainyu are the dual nature of God, in eastern cultures the Yin and the Yang. It’s finding the proper balance without tipping over, uncontrolled consumption of drugs and alcohol can disrupt the fine balance.

My STBX refused my “list”. Wouldn’t read one book, walked out of therapy. Wants to reconcile but just wants to ignore the fact that he has abused me for years and wants us to try to be nice and let the past go! It hurts to know that he will not do the work and that I am left with filing for divorce and changing my daughter’s life forever or I KNOW I will return to the same life I finally got the strength to leave.

Please also consider that he should get therapy BEFORE you do couples work. He needs to show remorse and a desire for restituion or he will use couples counseling as a weapon against you. Couples counseling is not recommended for abusive relationships. No one is perfect, but the abuse is HIS issue, not yours as a couple. Sending you comfort and love on your journey.

Whether it takes weeks, months or years, at some point abuse targets must look at the reality of our situation. I found that I had agreed to “rules” out of a desire to keep him happy (or at least, not angry). It happens slowly, subtly, and completely.

It’s also important to note that many women who are abused at home DO NOT carry the sickness into the workplace. Many women who take no crap from anyone at work DAILY accept crap from their mates. It seems contradictory, but it just goes to show how underhanded and sneaky Abuse truly is.

It gets to the best of us.

Rules can be like imaginary shackles placed on us by ourselves or others for control.

Why set yourself rules, life is to short just be kind, dont intentionally hurt others, do the best you can do, and dont listen to people who say the only right way is there way.

Freedom lol

I think it is highly likely a sister of an emotional and verbal abuser would behave like this poster. I know nothing of her or you specifically, but after living with someone who sounds very similar to your husband, I would assume their families are also similar.

I am your difficult process of sorting this out and getting on with your life is being made more difficult by whoever this commenter is, and by members of his family. I hope that, when his family reacts like this, it helps to convince you that distance from this is a good thing, if you can get to that point.

So right you are.

The best I ever came up with was “I have expierienced abuse”.

It’s inadequate. But there are not many people I will discuss the situation with. Even other’s who have experienced abuse seldom understand that the abuse is inflicted and recieved by both parties.

I also hate “victim” and “survior” both leave a person sounding helpless and inactive. But it is not that way.

I dont blame myself but I recognize that I have been an active participant in my own abuse.