Comments for My Verbally Abusive Marriage

Comment on Hold and Release by Kelly

Kelly — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 19:29:05 +0000

Kellie, is it just me, or are there a lot of “Kellies” going through this? Right now, I am married to an abuser. Just over 13 years. In the past 2 years it has escalated to extreme verbal abuse, and no regard to putting me or the children in harms way. I am being forced to do things that are immoral and illegal for the sake of “supporting him in his business”. I have been seeing a supportive therapist for the first time ever for just about one month. I would just walk on out but I am staying because of the thoughts you have at the end of this post. Aren’t we supposed to grow old together, and enjoy that we made it through the tough times? I can’t bear to think of growing old without him, but I’m so tired of the abuse! My thoughts go between running away and keeping the peace hour by hour. I’m terrifed of what is to come. Anyway, thank you Kellie Jo for your blog. It has helped me realize I’m not the only one.

Comment on Emergency Plan = Emotional Pain by Blogs are Money Making Machines? Tell me more… « Whispers In Motion Test Site

Blogs are Money Making Machines? Tell me more… « Whispers In Motion Test Site — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 05:04:33 +0000

[...] and she really should consider it. Now I need to jump back into SeededBuzz to go and find Kellie’s SEED because I want to BUZZ it! I also see what appear to be ads on the right side of her blog. So I [...]

Comment on Hold and Release by Erin

Erin — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 12:32:46 +0000

I wish you didn’t hurt so badly about this. I wish I could say something that would help you. I wish you didn’t have to feel your way through this one to come out on the other side.

If there is one good thing – it’s that you have done it before. A lot! You have come so far, and this is just a hiccup. You will get over this too.

I love you Kellie Jo!

Comment on I’m Not That Person…Yet by Me

Me — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 14:39:52 +0000

Actually, there is no cause for alarm. I would have dismissed her comment as you did if I hadn’t had the same message from the higher power and felt a waning of the emotions already. Her comment simply validated externally what was already going on inside.

I think that our lack of phone calls the past two weeks have eroded your “up to the minute” status, and that you really need to call me so I can fill you in! Or I’ll call you

Comment on I’m Not That Person…Yet by Erin

Erin — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 13:17:39 +0000

Sorry – I didn’t change my website in the above post. ;|

I gotta take the advertising where I can get it, and since you are my sister, I can do this on your site…

Comment on I’m Not That Person…Yet by Erin

Erin — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 13:16:07 +0000

Damn your therapist. How dare she take that from you? It’s like being told there is no Santa. Who would do that? Santa Claus exists inside each and every one of us – and you had a blissful thing going on inside of you. You was living and doing in a way that gave you what you were denied for so many, many years. You deserve that feeling. How dare ANYBODY give you the notion that it isn’t “real”.

Reality is what you make it. Each persons reality is different from another’s. That is what makes us unique. That is what makes us each see the same situation in different ways.

I would much rather her said, “Chances are, after you spend much needed time with yourself, your perceptions might change a little bit. But for now, take the ride you are on; because it is right where you need to be.”

Who out there WOULDN’T want to live with these feelings on a daily basis:”giddy emotions, loving dreams, and happy thoughts within me”? We all should be so lucky!

Who cares what those emotions are based on? Who, really, are you “hurting”? You are simply becoming the person that has been chained up. You are re-blossoming into a person you want to become.

Like a flower through the season of warmth, you start out fresh, vibrant, and green. Through the heat of summer, you must grow your roots deeper to endure the scorch of the heat and little rain. However, you still remain beautiful, vibrant, and full of life… just more stable.

No need to read into this any more than what it is. Winter doesn’t have to come. But, we all experience those times when we naturally go into ourselves just a little bit so we can come out more alive after the last snow. It is not a “death” of the flower (you), it is a time of peace to regather and renew. Remember though, winter comes at many different times throughout the world. There is not “set” day for it. It just happens when the time is right.

Don’t allow your therapist to force that time on you now. You have to allow your season to come when it is ready. Anything else is unnatural.

With all of this being said, if your time has come to move onto deeper roots, so be it. I just hope the timing is your own choice; and not a thought that somebody else planted in your mind.

Comment on Verbal Abuse Revisited by Me

Me — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 02:09:37 +0000

Fatima, I like your article! I have to remind readers of this site that sometimes when you stick up for yourself to an abusive person (habitually abusive, as in a partner), the abuser does what they can to shut you down, make you doubt yourself. It’s good to have a plan for what to do when your abuser won’t shut up when a “normal” person would. If they continue to disrespect you, tell them your next step is to leave the room, leave the house, leave their presence, put on your headphones, continue the conversation later, whatever. Words alone rarely get the attention of a person who doesn’t want you to speak in the first place, but speaking up for yourself DOES give you confidence to follow-through with action.

Comment on Verbal Abuse Revisited by Fatima

Fatima — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 01:17:04 +0000

[Fatima wrote an article called] "Confessions from a Recovering Doormat"

Comment on I’m Not That Person…Yet by Me

Me — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 20:30:13 +0000

Wish-craft is what Tabitha learned to do first as a baby witch on “Bewitched” I think it’s also the title of a book. So I did’t come up with it on my own – it’s been around, but it fits.

Comment on I’m Not That Person…Yet by newdirection

newdirection — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 17:12:43 +0000

In the space between who you are and who you are destined to be, i hope you find the arms of the powerful and loving God, the one who will be your husband and lover, who will show you your worth, an escasty beyond dreams and visions, the one who will fill you with love and purpose and set your path straight to the place and person you were always meant to be…in time. You are part of a sublime romance, a divinely given love relationship which asks nothing in return but your heart. You WILL find your way. remain prayfully open to what comes next.

Comment on I’m Not That Person…Yet by PrincessLuceval

PrincessLuceval — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 17:07:39 +0000

Kellie, I love your term “wish-craft.” It is so, so true.

And remember, mud is much more fertile ground for growing things than pure shit is. Bloom and grow!

Comment on Searching by newdirection

newdirection — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:17:29 +0000

When you are happy within yourself, and learn to love you, your surroundings will be beuatiful and your ability to love places and people will improve. If you know your value, you will learn to feel your worth. I believe when you see yourself with the love God has for you, you will know where you belong. Here’s to your journey…

Comment on Looking for Work by Linda

Linda — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 17:42:01 +0000

Hi Kellie I don’t know whether you are still looking for a job, but a thought occurred to me that you don’t need a job, YOU (with all your passion) need your own business …..! Linda

Comment on Looking for Work by H

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 21:55:13 +0000

I really like this post, and it puts down in front of me something of what I often feel.
Someone you may be interested in looking up is Andrew Collins, he embodies something of what you’ve expressed, combining magazine, television and review writing as well as being a presenter on BBC 6music and regularly blogging. And he is very successful at all. Some inspiration perhaps. http://wherediditallgorightblog.wordpress.com/

Comment on In the End by Gary Sieburg

Gary Sieburg — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 02:00:02 +0000

Kelly, thank you for being so incredibly open to sharing your struggles….There are so many who can benefit by what you have to say… and you really express yourself very elegantly as you continue on your journey of self growth and finding the shadow within you. A shadow that many have and few dare to explore. You are obviously very gifted with a unique sensitivity to truly… get in touch with your emotions…. good or bad… as well as an ability to put them into words…keep up this journey and great things ahead for you!

Comment on Luxury by Lisa

Lisa — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 11:50:34 +0000

Love this post, Kellie! I’ve been traveling and just got to catch up; “Some guy off the street” was exactly the way I feel, too. I’m doing things that I want to do, rather than what someone else wants to do. And I’m a better person for it.

Comment on Why Did I Stay in My Abusive Marriage? by Tabitha the KnittingJourneyman

Tabitha the KnittingJourneyman — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 15:46:26 +0000

I hear you–and I understand ALL too well, having been there myself…and having divorced one verbally abusive man to go straight into the arms of another because it felt comfortable and familiar…did I know better? Yes. Did i do it anyway? Yes. What did it take for me to learn? Waking up and really thinking–is this what I want my children to be/have/know as good/right when they are older? And it still took years to break out of my own patterns to find a healthy me…much less a healthy relationship…

Comment on Looking for Work by An Entrepreneur without Passion is like a Fish without Water | Mowgli Foundation Blog

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 13:01:18 +0000

[...] I continued reading and following the various links I came across a post by a woman called Kellie and she was talking about not wanting to work at just a ‘job’ but wanting to work at [...]

Comment on Luxury by newdirection

newdirection — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 12:33:03 +0000

I COULDN’T RELATE MORE!! enjoy the ride. it is the journey of life and self-discovery. A journey we as women often feel too guilty to take. But there is even better selfless love to be had, once the self is fully explored, known, and continued to be known and explored, without fear, and allowed to flourish!

Comment on Some Guy Off the Street by Me

Me — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 00:32:03 +0000

There is a better life for you, Kelly. No one can tell you what you “should” do – go or stay – but remember you always have the choice. My heart goes out to you ’cause living your life is harder than many people could imagine; whatever you decide, whenever you decide, I’m here and so are many other people who have been through or are going through the same hell.

Comment on Some Guy Off the Street by Kelly

Kelly — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 20:53:07 +0000

Today is the first day I have ever looked up anything remotely close to this subject. What scares me are all of the similarities I see when I started reading your posts. I have been married for 19 yrs, have two boys and my husband is very critical and controlling with us. The things you write are very close to my life. I hope that someday I may have the courage to do what needs to be done.

Comment on Secrets by Maggie

Maggie — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 07:24:19 +0000

My youngest talked to her college counselor a few weeks ago and disclosed to me that ‘her counselor’ was angry on her behalf about how she was being pulled between her two parents. I think the counselor is a clever, kind, lady trying to help an unhappy young woman get her feelings out but I felt so washed out and winded by that. I had begun to be a little bit more specific with my daughter about what her father was doing being emotional abuse – and I suddenly I felt so guilty for putting my head above the parapet like that. However, I felt that my little one was leading me there as she has starting to noticing things herself about him and his behaviour and it would be harder on her if I didn’t validate what she felt. I so wanted to say “I’m not the bad guy here”. I just had to know this quietly and get over it! She does seem a bit better now so it was worth it. As you say, they know things for themselves and will ultimately make their own minds up.

Comment on Loneliness by PCDee

PCDee — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 19:38:15 +0000

Your post reminds me of how I felt during the first year of my divorce. I can relate to your black hole analogy. You will find that you are your own constellation.

Hang in there.

Comment on Loneliness by newdirection

newdirection — Sun, 30 May 2010 17:29:37 +0000

Ive felt that black hole. For me it is the gaping nothing that is where my dreams for a happy home and family were. It threatens to suck away my present joy. First I started to hate the collapse dream, deny that I need or want it anymore. But now I know it is a space that can be filled, but maybe just not the way i hoped. I think when you know the star that collapsed making the black hole, you start to undertand its properties and its gravity. Then you can keep the boundaries needed to prevent it from sucking you in. There is a place where we merge with the divine and there we know that we are never alone and the warmth can fill us. Until we can stay there forever, it is an existential crisis we all face.

Comment on My Job by Kunjii

Kunjii — Sat, 29 May 2010 03:59:39 +0000

Congratulations. Remember to take NOTES – the faintest ink always outweighs the sharpest memory. When they are giving you instructions, have a legal size pad with u and write it down – you can review your notes at home. Just a tip I learned when I had to learn new stuff.

You moving on with your life might bring out some hostility in your husband – he probably really wasn’t expecting all this. Maybe neither were you, and isn’t it a nice surprise that you DID it? Again, congratulations. Power always comes from action.