On January 22, 2012, it will be two years since I left my marriage. I’ve come so far since then; I did the right thing for my children and myself.
Today, I am fortunate to write “My Verbally Abusive Marriage…and what I’m doing in it” from a different perspective. The marriage was abusive, but it no longer exists. What I write now concerns how I’m moving past it and the abuse, and I am joyful that I am no longer “in it”.
On January 22, 2010, I left my home two times. The first time was the (what had become) the usual, run of the mill event: I left because I was scared, planning to return home after his temper had cooled or he had passed out. I took a blanket and my purse. I left again only minutes after typing the last “Smack” in My Heart is Failing.
When I returned home, all hell broke loose. I ended up calling the police, but I had no showing bruises, so the cops would not remove him from the home (worthless!). I left because I truly feared what would happen after they pulled out of the driveway and left me alone with Will.
It wasn’t until January 24th that I had the wherewithal to write about what had happened. Because the events of the 22nd were so late, bleeding into the morning of the 23rd, I was back to blogging less than 24 hours after I’d left. When I wrote that entry, a judge had granted me an ex parte order and the police arrested Will and removed him from the home. She was able to do what the police could not – buy me two days of safety as Will sat in jail until Monday.
The blog I wrote on that day did not delve into my feelings so much as it reported what had happened the night before. I wanted to write it out as soon as possible so I wouldn’t forget. On that day, more people read my blog than on any day before that – ever.
One of the people who read it called herself “Ramona Vickers” and was obviously a family member of Will’s. The link for the blog is coming up…but I ask that you scroll into the comments section and read what Ramona had to say to me.
Blessedly, in addition to my comments, two others piped in for my “defense”. I will never forget their words of encouragement and calm, rational thought. Well, my sister may not have been calm or rational, but I appreciated her challenge to Ramona just the same.
Keep in mind what judgments you make when you hear of someone leaving their marriage due to abuse. It is so easy to lay blame on the victim, even when you think you’re being neutral. What if I had listened to Ramona’s nonsense? I wouldn’t be writing this blog today, that’s for sure.
The second blog’s title is I Left Twice.
Thank you, all of you, for being here with me during the marriage and for this week’s celebration. I am free to live my life. My new mistakes alongside greater victories remind me that although my healing is far from over, I am well on my way to being exactly who I want to be. And gosh darn it, I am really liking who I am right now.