Taboo

Over the past couple of years, I’ve written this blog straight from my heart. When I look back over the posts, especially the ones in the beginning, I see errors in my thinking. In many posts, abuse and its effects clouded my thinking; I doubted myself at my strongest, persevered with bad decisions when I was at my weakest.

Last year I began writing a more structured blog at healthyplace.com. I enjoy my blog there, but it is not like this one. Over there, people get the impression that I am an expert on the topic of verbal abuse. Unless they visit this blog, they do not know that my expertise originates from experience, not education. They do not realize that I am but one story in a sea of many.

The biggest difference between my readers (you) and me is that I put the stuff in my head and heart on the screen. I share with you what I’m thinking although I know that I don’t know everything. Every time I write this blog, I realize that next week or next year I may have to humbly reverse my actions, eat my words. Never once have I regretted writing any post or sharing any feeling. I figure you will see something helpful even when I’m wrong. I hope you sense my best intentions are sometimes flawed. I hope you act on your hunches. 

When I blogged during my marriage and early separation, everything was open for discussion. I laid it out there on the line. But since I’ve broken free of that relationship, I began to withdraw a bit. I thought in the back of my mind that I had little left to offer you. Especially when the judge gave primary custody of my children to him. I thought you would be afraid to leave your abuser knowing that it was possible to legally lose custody of your children.

But shit happens. And shit happens for a reason. Even the really crappy stuff happens for a reason.

On top of dealing with my ex during the incommunicado period, I was participating in a relationship drama that I promised myself I would not revisit. Get ready for some spoilers… Continue reading

Free to Follow My Dream

My brain hit the ground running this morning. I tried unsuccessfully to feel the warmth of Max beside me, the soft wind from the fan and the cozy-soft microfiber sheets. But my brain wouldn’t have it. It was like while sleeping, it discovered all the answers and couldn’t wait to put me into action.

Unfortunately, those answers got lost in transitioning from sleeping to waking, and I found myself bombarded with noisy kids, messy house, and the other signs that I wasn’t in control of much at all.

I want to have my peaceful home back, the one that I miraculously found in May of 2010 that enabled me to think to myself without interruption. I miss my safe, silent, cocoon. Continue reading

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