Linda’s Abusive Experience
Linda recently wrote to tell us about her abusive marriage. Although it appears her husband is changing, she suffers from PTSD and cannot trust that what happened before truly will not happen again. She remains in the marriage, prays for guidance, and trusts that God will guide her steps.
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March 30th, 2011 at 5:21 AM
Well, I’m a single woman again. I’m safe and sound with the children at the house. He left at the end of January, abandoned me really. He and I were on good terms when he left. It started as he needed a few nights away to have a break at a friend’s house, told me and the kids that he’d be back in a week….that turned into he went back to his home state. He would call off and on and sounded really strange on the phone for about a week. Then I didn’t hear from him for a week. He got rid of his facebook account, left his good job, was talking about getting rid of his car, wasn’t answering his cell phone, etc. It was a bit scary because I thought he may have hurt himself because he sounded so strange on the phone. Then I decided to open his mail. I found several bills/child support/etc of his that he hadn’t paid for several months. I went to get taxes done and discovered that he’d cashed in a 401 K from his job, and then I opened an explanation of benefits stating he was at inpatient psychiatry in his home state. WTH!! He nor his sister have explained to me what happened. I think he was there for a week, maybe a week and a half at the most. I started piecing together his strange behavior during the past months and the best I can figure he was gambling and things got out of control and perhaps he had a midlife crisis. He and I were talking about getting separated in April, but he just abruptly left. He had a rough childhood, mother was physically abused, sometimes he lived with his grandmother, aunt, father, he went to a lot of different schools, his grandmother died when he was in middle school, his mother died when he was 21 or so, then he went into the army when he was 28, and was in Iraq for about a year. I believe he has post traumatic stress disorder, ADHD, and borderline personality disorder, but it’s not fair for me to diagnose him. He didn’t want to discuss being in the hospital and was still telling me lies when he got out. He came back last week to get some of his stuff. My Dad was at the house with me and the kids were at my parent’s house with Mom. He looked TERRIBLE, he’d lost a lot of weight and looked unstable, as if I took 1 finger and pushed him, he’d fall over. He’d been talking in a monotone voice and looked over medicated. He came with his brother-in-law and 2 teenage nephews, and took as much stuff as he could. My life has been in a complete whirlwind from the end of January to the end of February, but is starting to calm down now. A part of me hopes he really got some much needed help and is still in counseling, and a part of me is still angry that he was covering up so much and lying to me. Either way, we are going to pursue a divorce. My kids and I are safe and sound (my brother changed the locks on my house). I still can’t believe that he actually was admitted to inpatient psych, but life goes on. One day he may be able to explain it all to me, but probably not. I am thankful that I have a job, will struggle a bit to catch up bills that he wasn’t paying and manage without his income, but overall I’m happy he’s gone. Now the verbal abuse is over so we can all heal from the whole ordeal and move forward. We have been cleaning the house now that his stuff is gone and we can all breathe easier. I still double and triple check that the doors are locked at night and am happy a deputy sheriff lives across the street, but I’m moving on. I chopped my hair off really short and am ready to start a new chapter in my life.
March 30th, 2011 at 10:52 AM
I remember the paranoia I felt after he was out of the house – I bought pepper spray (3 kinds) and changed all the locks. Over time, the paranoia lessened, but I didn’t feel safe until I got out of that house. In hindsight, I could say my paranoia was irrational (because he didn’t do anything to try to reenter the house). But I’m not going to say “irrational” because I feel the threat was true.
I am glad that you are feeling good about things despite the bizarre way in which he left. You’re right – now you can all heal. I’ll be your hair cut makes you feel SAUCY!