Lately I’ve not preached the gospel of what verbal abuse IS or how it is affecting me because I’m in a new phase. I’m now in the phase that exists after you remove prime abuser from the majority of my life. However, just because I’m revelling in the freedom, that doesn’t mean that all of YOU are revelling with me! So I’d like to share some links about abuse and where you can find help and relief from it.
The Narcissism Daily Mirror, author Kim Cooper, is writing a series on verbal abuse. The latest one is When verbal abuse is covert or may not sound like verbal abuse … Check to the right of the article to view the others on verbal abuse.
Check online for inexpensive alternatives to traditional therapy for abuse victims. Alternative therapies are not insurance based, meaning that your abuser will not receive notice of your choice to seek therapy from any insurance approval letters that may come to your house.
[added Aug 2012:] I’ve helped several women via email through free counseling sessions, too. Although some women think they’re “totally screwed up” after leaving, I’ve found that one or two encouraging conversations now and again is a big help. We aren’t as screwed up as we think we are – but the doubt and confusion about the abuse can sometimes make it feel that way.
Sign up for the newsletter and then we can schedule a phone call consultation. It usually lasts a bit over an hour at a time convenient for you. [end added content]
Patricia Evans, author of books such as “The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change?”, is online at VerbalAbuse.com. I highly recommend becoming a member of her message boards. Yes, you must call the toll-free number to join the board, but she requires it to make sure that only abuse victims have access to this resource. No abuse perpetrators allowed. When I called, I spoke to Patricia directly, and had access to the boards within minutes.
For information on verbal abuse, try Dr. Irene. Please call or visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 even if you don’t know what you’re going to say, and even if you haven’t experienced the physically violent side of domestic violence (yet). Domestic violence includes mental, emotional, verbal, financial, and all other sorts of abuse. Just because you’ve never had a bloody lip or blackened eye does NOT mean you are not experiencing domestic violence.
To read my story from the beginning (1992), start at Less Than I Am. Or to read testimonials from other abuse survivors, visit Stories of Abuse. You could find out how others left their abusers at How I Left Abuse.
The more you know, the more powerful you become. The more power you have within yourself, the sooner you can make changes to stop the cycle of abuse.
You do not have to leave your abuser now or ever, you can stay. That is a valid choice.
For me, I chose to stay until I’d reached a point of power within myself that did not allow me to stay any longer. But before that point, I had begun reacting differently to the abuse. Back then, there was no way to know if my husband would change or not, but I hoped he would.
Hope is not a solution, it’s a distraction. Stop hoping and start educating yourself.