My Verbally Abusive Marriage

On December 18, 2009, I wrote a post called “You’re a Housewife” in which I described how Will told me what I was. I wrote, “But to Will, I am a housewife. He said so. He also rejected any of the other labels I listed because none of them bring home any money.”

I actually remember that conversation well because he was yelling about being “King of the Castle” and was infuriated when I told him that was a title that was EARNED, not an ENTITLEMENT. That’s when he told me that I was a housewife and I should be happy because I “have a roof over [my] head, food on [my] plates, a home to clean, a man who is willing to work, and children to care for.”

I bring this up again because today Will again told me that he’s been wanting me to go to work since the children started full school days. That would mean that he’s been encouraging me to work for years and inferring that I have refused working, sucked an income off of his hard work, and sat around eating chocolate bon bons on his dime for all that time.

Interesting. Hurtful, but I’ll get over that.

It’s almost like he wants me to believe it because that’s what he says now. That’s okay. He’s trying to get out of paying me alimony.

I listened to the above bit of drivel, but when he said, “I told you I don’t like crawfishers. This isn’t a threat, but -” and that’s where I cut him off.

You can pretty much bet that when someone tells you “This isn’t a threat” that it is going to be a threat. (The “crawfisher” bit is due to his upset over my changing my mind about doing the custody battle in court vs. hashing it out with him alone.)

We were standing in front of the same attorney’s office to which I visited to sign the paper requesting to dismiss the assault against a woman charge that HE faced. Mind you, I just did HIM a favor (that I didn’t have to do and was very difficult to complete), and here he was telling me that because of ANOTHER of my “sins” I was forcing him to…WHAT?

I didn’t hear what he’d planned for me because I know two things:

1. I do not ever again HAVE to negotiate with him one on one. I can go through the court and mediation for every piddly request and complaint if I have to. I never have to face him on my own ever again.
2. The threat is this: “Kellie, no matter what you do for me, it will never be enough. I will continue to tell you how wrong you are for making the decisions you make. I will continue attempting to PUNISH you with whatever means are available to me. So long as you continue to be separate from me, so long as you choose to do things of which I do not approve, I will seek to hurt you.“

And that is that.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Red Flags
2. Not Over Yet
3. Jennifer’s Abuse Testimonial
4. Write Something Good
5. Poking the Beast

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