Top 8 Signs It’s Time To Leave Your Marriage
Back in November 2009, I completed the Nanowrimo Challenge: 50,000 words in 30 days. Today, I am going through what I wrote and organizing it in yWriter.
A slight portion of what I wrote records conversations between “Big Me” (my true voice, the one connected directly to God), and “Little Me” (my everyday self). Without boring you with the internal workings of my mind, I’d like to share what Big Me said about my marriage.
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Little Me wrote: I wonder how long I’ll be able to go on with abuse at the forefront of my mind. At some point it will truly exhaust me. How will I know if it’s time to cut out of my marriage? How will I know if I need to continue healing on my own, when me trying to force Will to stop his part in this if fruitless? How will I know if it’s time to leave?
Hey, Big Me, I’m talking to You. Signs that it’s time to leave the marriage? Hello? Maybe a David Letterman’s Top 10 List?
Big Me said: You don’t really want me to answer that question.
Little Me wrote: No, I suppose I don’t want it, but I think I need you to answer me. Don’t make me dance around like Squirrel Nutkin here. Please, tell me: When is it time to let go of this marriage?
Big Me said:
- When you cannot hear Pauline [my guardian angel] or me.
- When you do not write or draw or express your truth in any new way.
- When you are seeing darkness in the middle of the day.
- When no one wants to listen to you anymore because you encourage them to do things you cannot do. Or will not do.
- When you cannot bear the sound of his footsteps, it is time to not hear those footsteps anymore.
- When you feel as if everyone would be better off without your crazy ass self.
- When you feel dead, your eyes are puffy and you have headaches from all the cry-snot you generate.
- When you feel all hope is lost.
Those are signs that it is time to leave your marriage.
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The only sign I’ve lived through since his return in December is #5. I dreaded the sound of his footsteps. I still don’t want to hear them in my house, but it’s all right when I hear them as we meet to talk about the boys. He’s not HERE, and I’m satisfied with that for now.
However, I have lived through most all of the other signs in the past. Except for #4. But I have been considering being untruthful with you, the readers of my blog. I’ve considered encouraging you to do something that I am not certain I can do.
If you’re interested, you’ll have to read the next post. I think it may be a long one.
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