Comments on: I Want to Lie to You http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/03/01/lie/ ...and what I'm doing in it Mon, 06 Feb 2012 07:25:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: newdirection http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/03/01/lie/comment-page-1/#comment-1155 newdirection Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:05:44 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1311#comment-1155 There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to prevent divorce. I think your list is excellent. I would add that drawing the line at abuse is good, but you want a HAPPY marriage, not just an abuse free one. Actively being cherished, loved, respected and honored is not to much to demand and is actually necessary for stopping abuse. You need to replace the hurt with love for you to heal. I recommened Kathy and Joel Davisson's books. Google them and you'll find them. My STBX refused my "list". Wouldn't read one book, walked out of therapy. Wants to reconcile but just wants to ignore the fact that he has abused me for years and wants us to try to be nice and let the past go! It hurts to know that he will not do the work and that I am left with filing for divorce and changing my daughter's life forever or I KNOW I will return to the same life I finally got the strength to leave. Please also consider that he should get therapy BEFORE you do couples work. He needs to show remorse and a desire for restituion or he will use couples counseling as a weapon against you. Couples counseling is not recommended for abusive relationships. No one is perfect, but the abuse is HIS issue, not yours as a couple. Sending you comfort and love on your journey. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to prevent divorce. I think your list is excellent. I would add that drawing the line at abuse is good, but you want a HAPPY marriage, not just an abuse free one. Actively being cherished, loved, respected and honored is not to much to demand and is actually necessary for stopping abuse. You need to replace the hurt with love for you to heal. I recommened Kathy and Joel Davisson’s books. Google them and you’ll find them.

My STBX refused my “list”. Wouldn’t read one book, walked out of therapy. Wants to reconcile but just wants to ignore the fact that he has abused me for years and wants us to try to be nice and let the past go! It hurts to know that he will not do the work and that I am left with filing for divorce and changing my daughter’s life forever or I KNOW I will return to the same life I finally got the strength to leave.

Please also consider that he should get therapy BEFORE you do couples work. He needs to show remorse and a desire for restituion or he will use couples counseling as a weapon against you. Couples counseling is not recommended for abusive relationships. No one is perfect, but the abuse is HIS issue, not yours as a couple. Sending you comfort and love on your journey.

]]> By: eaglewolfespirit/Deb http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/03/01/lie/comment-page-1/#comment-1150 eaglewolfespirit/Deb Tue, 02 Mar 2010 02:55:27 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1311#comment-1150 ABSOLUTLY EXCELENT! You ARE a planner, and please, do not ever feel that anyone would ever consider you a fraud! You are 100% genuine and honest! By doing this, this post and these reconciliation terms,you are doing the right thing for you and your family. You are implimenting assertive intervention, something anyone with an ounce of love and caring would do...I for one am proud of you, who you are...just you...you are a beautiful, loving woman, and those who have you in their lives are truly blessed...Thanks again and always for sharing, it helps those who read more than you may ever know! ABSOLUTLY EXCELENT! You ARE a planner, and please, do not ever feel that anyone would ever consider you a fraud! You are 100% genuine and honest! By doing this, this post and these reconciliation terms,you are doing the right thing for you and your family. You are implimenting assertive intervention, something anyone with an ounce of love and caring would do…I for one am proud of you, who you are…just you…you are a beautiful, loving woman, and those who have you in their lives are truly blessed…Thanks again and always for sharing, it helps those who read more than you may ever know!

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