Comments on: A Necessary Evil http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/02/06/necessary-evil/ ...and what I'm doing in it Sat, 12 May 2012 04:16:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Ramona Vickers http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/02/06/necessary-evil/comment-page-1/#comment-958 Ramona Vickers Sat, 06 Feb 2010 20:55:11 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1231#comment-958 Nowhere in what I wrote assigns blame to you or him, and I am trying extremely carefull not to do so. I remind you that I care about you both. Your escape plan put you in a somewhat comfortable situation as far a money is concerned. But that will change if "Will" is dishonorably dicharged. I understand that their is no person or institution you can talk to to change the charges. But what are you going to do when "Will" has no income. If he has no income, he can't pay child support, which he will pay otherwise until the boys get out of collage if they choose to go. The Armed Forces will see to it that. Because he is in the Armed Forces, you guys are leagally residence of Texas, there is no allimony, only community property falls into play. If what you have already taken from the accounts is less than half you'll be OK for now. But how long will that last. Texas also has one of the most conservative child custody systems in place. Another words, unless you are a "prostitute, turning tricks for a fix", which I know your not, Mother gets primary custody of the children. The current charges don't have to have anything to do with the divorce, unless you plan on making them. Actually, the ball is in your court. I'm pretty sure, weather true or not, "Will" is feeling betrayed by you taking the money. I am not saying you were wrong to do so, I'm trying to make suggestions which will bring about the best resolution of the situation for everyone involved. Nowhere in what I wrote assigns blame to you or him, and I am trying extremely carefull not to do so. I remind you that I care about you both. Your escape plan put you in a somewhat comfortable situation as far a money is concerned. But that will change if “Will” is dishonorably dicharged. I understand that their is no person or institution you can talk to to change the charges. But what are you going to do when “Will” has no income. If he has no income, he can’t pay child support, which he will pay otherwise until the boys get out of collage if they choose to go. The Armed
Forces will see to it that. Because he is in the Armed Forces, you guys are leagally residence of Texas, there is no allimony, only community property falls into play. If what you have already taken from the accounts is less than half you’ll be OK for now. But how long will that last. Texas also has one of the most conservative child custody systems in place. Another words, unless you are a “prostitute, turning tricks for a fix”, which I know your not, Mother gets primary custody of the children.
The current charges don’t have to have anything to do with the divorce, unless you plan on making them. Actually, the ball is in your court. I’m pretty sure, weather true or not, “Will” is feeling betrayed by you taking the money. I am not saying you were wrong to do so, I’m trying to make suggestions which will bring about the best resolution of the situation for everyone involved.

]]> By: Me http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/02/06/necessary-evil/comment-page-1/#comment-956 Me Sat, 06 Feb 2010 20:08:46 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1231#comment-956 I invite you to read more of the blog. There is no lack of thinking or considering on my part. I've done nothing but ponder our circumstances for over a year, including what I see as best for my boys. What is best is for them, Will and me to get the help we all need. Perhaps Will has not heard what I've told his father and his friend about these charges when they pressured me because he cannot stand not having control over them. The charges are a heavy weight for him to bear; he will have to bear them until the State of NC dismisses them. Or doesn't. I know that I don't want his career ended; I don't want him to be dishonorably discharged. To limit his income in any way is financial suicide (at least for awhile). Yes, the consequences of being found guilty of "assault on a woman" could be devastating, but he chose to attack me again. I keep wondering why people seem to think it is somehow my fault that he is in the position he is in. I told him what I would do the next time he put his hands on me; he chose to do it anyway. He must not have believed me. He must have thought that I would be too afraid to "lose" what we've worked for to risk involving the law. What he couldn't comprehend was that "what we've worked for" isn't worth being intimidated and man-handled. It isn't worth being treated like a bag of shit that you plan to light on fire for someone else to stomp. And I promise you, I've laid it out carefully and clearly, in private and at counseling, what he could expect if he put his hands on me one more time. And in counseling, he said he understood. This is where his patience will be tested. I will appear at every court date knowing that these charges will be continued (not heard) until our attorneys reach an agreement as to how they will attempt to handle them. No matter what our attorneys intentions or my intentions are, it's up to the judge what happens in the end. There is no office I can go to, no judge I can approach, to drop these charges. If I refuse to go to court, it could be interpreted in a way that would severely harm the boys and me. Keeping money from me, sending veiled messages through friends and family, insinuating adultery and, in general, attempting to keep me under his thumb is NOT going to result in a speedy end to the very serious charges laid in front of him. The ball is in his court. I'm sure his divorce attorney will contact mine very soon. I invite you to read more of the blog. There is no lack of thinking or considering on my part. I’ve done nothing but ponder our circumstances for over a year, including what I see as best for my boys.

What is best is for them, Will and me to get the help we all need.

Perhaps Will has not heard what I’ve told his father and his friend about these charges when they pressured me because he cannot stand not having control over them. The charges are a heavy weight for him to bear; he will have to bear them until the State of NC dismisses them. Or doesn’t. I know that I don’t want his career ended; I don’t want him to be dishonorably discharged. To limit his income in any way is financial suicide (at least for awhile). Yes, the consequences of being found guilty of “assault on a woman” could be devastating, but he chose to attack me again.

I keep wondering why people seem to think it is somehow my fault that he is in the position he is in. I told him what I would do the next time he put his hands on me; he chose to do it anyway. He must not have believed me. He must have thought that I would be too afraid to “lose” what we’ve worked for to risk involving the law. What he couldn’t comprehend was that “what we’ve worked for” isn’t worth being intimidated and man-handled. It isn’t worth being treated like a bag of shit that you plan to light on fire for someone else to stomp. And I promise you, I’ve laid it out carefully and clearly, in private and at counseling, what he could expect if he put his hands on me one more time. And in counseling, he said he understood.

This is where his patience will be tested. I will appear at every court date knowing that these charges will be continued (not heard) until our attorneys reach an agreement as to how they will attempt to handle them. No matter what our attorneys intentions or my intentions are, it’s up to the judge what happens in the end. There is no office I can go to, no judge I can approach, to drop these charges. If I refuse to go to court, it could be interpreted in a way that would severely harm the boys and me.

Keeping money from me, sending veiled messages through friends and family, insinuating adultery and, in general, attempting to keep me under his thumb is NOT going to result in a speedy end to the very serious charges laid in front of him.

The ball is in his court. I’m sure his divorce attorney will contact mine very soon.

]]> By: Ramona Vickers http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/02/06/necessary-evil/comment-page-1/#comment-955 Ramona Vickers Sat, 06 Feb 2010 19:10:11 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1231#comment-955 The waiting sucks. The boys will be fine. When I stated, "when you screw him, you are screwing yourself". I am hoping, you are seeing the full consequences of whats going to happen at your next court date(not for the divorce). Not the immediate, but the long term, and how it will affect you, and your children, not just "Will". The waiting sucks. The boys will be fine.

When I stated, “when you screw him, you are screwing yourself”. I am hoping, you are seeing the full consequences of whats going to happen at your next court date(not for the divorce). Not the immediate, but the long term, and how it will affect you, and your children, not just “Will”.

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