My Verbally Abusive Marriage

Ramona says~

“Nowhere in what I wrote assigns blame to you or him,  and I am trying extremely carefull not to do so. I remind you that I care about you both.  Your escape plan put you in a somewhat comfortable situation as far a money is concerned.  But that will change if “Will” is dishonorably dicharged.  I understand that their is no person or institution you can talk to to change the charges.  But what are you going to do when “Will” has no income. If he has no income, he can’t pay child support, which he will pay otherwise until the boys get out of collage if they choose to go. The Armed Forces will see to it that.”

“Because he is in the Armed Forces, you guys are leagally residence of Texas, there is no allimony, only community property falls into play.  If what you have already taken from the accounts is less than half you’ll be OK for now.  But how long will that last.  Texas also has one of the most conservative child custody systems in place.  Another words, unless you are a “prostitute, turning tricks for a fix”, which I know your not, Mother gets primary custody of the children.”
“The current charges don’t have to have anything to do with the divorce, unless you plan on making them.  Actually, the ball is in your court.  I’m pretty sure, weather true or not, “Will” is feeling betrayed by you taking the money.  I am not saying you were wrong to do so, I’m trying to make suggestions which will bring about the best resolution of the situation for everyone involved.”

Ramona, you are assuming a lot. Or maybe you’re repeating what Will has told you, there’s no way for me to know. However, I am tired of bantering with you. (see more here and then here and then here – read from the top of the comments section down, reference “Ramona”).

What do you know about how comfortable I am financially? I took what amounts to less than two months of his net pay. I took the money out ONLY after receiving emails from the bank, time stamped, showing that he had attempted to lock me out of all of our accounts. He changed all the personal information on the accounts, thinking I had no way to access the money. Fortunately, he forgot to change the email notification address in his haste to deny me a way to sustain myself. When I found out what he had done, I took the lump sum from the emergency account because it was obvious he wasn’t going to “share.” I had no way of knowing when I would receive any more money, only that I would, eventually, and a good portion of the money I did have has already been paid out in attorney fees.

You are also assuming that I have no means of financial support besides my husband, no way to provide for myself and children. Besides my own ability to earn an income sufficient to cover our needs, the Army gives out what is called “Transitional Compensation” to women divorcing their soldier due to domestic abuse. It isn’t much, but it is enough to fill in the gaps, and it lasts for three years. That is assuming that he would be found guilty of the charges; there is no guarantee of that, and I’ve already told you how I feel about the charges.

The military “sees to” his paying child support only so long as he is in the military. After he retires or is discharged, the Army has no further interest in what he does financially (except for Survivor Benefit Plans and IF I receive a portion of his pension benefits). If he retires, that will be in about 5 years; if he’s discharged, the Army’s disinterest begins immediately.

Currently, Will is planning to give each boy two years of his GI Bill. Because Will officially “earned” the GI Bill by the time he left the Army the FIRST time (in ’96), the GI Bill is his to keep regardless of the outcome of this stint in the military. And, even WITH Will’s contribution of his GI Bill to the boys, there will be a need for financial aid. Depending on Will’s and my income in the coming years, the boys may or may not qualify for Federal Aid. As it stands right now, with us married and he providing the only income, we do not qualify for Pell Grant money – he makes too much. I know because I applied last year. Separated, the situation may change.

Yes, it is true that his attorney could refuse to hear this case in North Carolina. I really don’t care. There are benefits and drawbacks to either state; I’m sure Will’s attorney will fill him in on all of that. (ref TX maintenance)

I find it odd that you mention a prostitute turning tricks in your assessment.

And finally, you are wrong about the current charges having nothing to do with the divorce. They are domestic violence charges; they have everything to do with the divorce.

Will has felt betrayed by many things. I am not surprised that he discounts what he has done in his assessment of my perceived betrayal of him.

I am done explaining things to you. Besides, what I say doesn’t hold water with you. You evidently know more about my situation than I do and have spent more time considering my best options for me. If you see fit to call me or email me personally, please do so. For this weekend at least, I am done with this conversation.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. The Army and Abuse
2. How Did I Get Here?
3. Sociopathy and Abuse

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