Comments on: Red to Blue http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/01/30/red-to-blue/ ...and what I'm doing in it Sat, 28 Aug 2010 19:29:05 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Me http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/01/30/red-to-blue/comment-page-1/#comment-912 Me Sun, 31 Jan 2010 23:39:29 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1196#comment-912 Thank you, Tiffany. The song is making me cry. I guess that being courageous means that sometimes you have to cry; I'm okay with that. Every step is the same Whether in the sunshine or in the rain If you can hold on even through the pain Show up tomorrow do it all again Show up tomorrow do it all again You'll have better luck, better luck You are you are courageous Walk on Walk on These are the times can make us courageous and strong There's a bigger plan that's what they say But you've still got to make it through today You may be feeling scared want to run away But if you choose to look fear in the face If you choose to look fear in the face You'll have better luck, better luck You are you are courageous Walk on Walk on These are the times can make us courageous and strong Life is hard, that's how it goes You've come this far, you've got to know that You are you are courageous Walk on Walk on These are the times can make us courageous and strong Here's a link to a youtube video with Melinda Schneider and Olivia Newton John: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DbCu1z4e7c Thank you, Tiffany. The song is making me cry. I guess that being courageous means that sometimes you have to cry; I’m okay with that.

Every step is the same
Whether in the sunshine or in the rain
If you can hold on even through the pain
Show up tomorrow do it all again
Show up tomorrow do it all again
You’ll have better luck, better luck

You are you are courageous
Walk on Walk on
These are the times can make us courageous and strong

There’s a bigger plan that’s what they say
But you’ve still got to make it through today
You may be feeling scared want to run away
But if you choose to look fear in the face
If you choose to look fear in the face
You’ll have better luck, better luck

You are you are courageous
Walk on Walk on
These are the times can make us courageous and strong

Life is hard, that’s how it goes
You’ve come this far, you’ve got to know that

You are you are courageous
Walk on Walk on
These are the times can make us courageous and strong

Here’s a link to a youtube video with Melinda Schneider and Olivia Newton John: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DbCu1z4e7c

]]> By: quietone http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/01/30/red-to-blue/comment-page-1/#comment-910 quietone Sun, 31 Jan 2010 06:43:46 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1196#comment-910 Once again I disagree that you are not in the healthy place you want to be. Women (and men) go entire lives and never stop seeking validation from others. They are crippled by their need of approval and never even see the pitfall. I have been through some of what you have experienced myself and I used to try to talk to my mother about it. It frustrated me that she would never say "oh my poor girl! It's awful that you are going through this. Your husband is rotten for treating you this way." I wanted to hear those words so much! But one day I confronted her and asked her, why, if you love me, do you not give me your passion. Actually I said "Have you no passion for your children?" She confessed to me then that her mother was so controlling and demanding that she never wanted to visit her mother upon me. She said she with held her opinions and comments because she wanted me to validate myself. It took me many weeks to understand what she was asking of me. But I finally understood that she wanted me to see my opinions and judgments as the most important thing. She did not want me to rely on her for validation and approval. Her methods were harsh but I finally understood that she was trying to give me the gift of breaking the abuse cycle. As much as I hated her methods, she was trying to give me a wonderful gift. I hope you can see the resistance around you in that light. Its hard and harsh, but it is a gift. gawd - that sounded like a lot of tripe. But I did find it to be true. I have appreciated my mother more ever since. Once again I disagree that you are not in the healthy place you want to be. Women (and men) go entire lives and never stop seeking validation from others. They are crippled by their need of approval and never even see the pitfall.
I have been through some of what you have experienced myself and I used to try to talk to my mother about it.
It frustrated me that she would never say “oh my poor girl! It’s awful that you are going through this. Your husband is rotten for treating you this way.”
I wanted to hear those words so much!
But one day I confronted her and asked her, why, if you love me, do you not give me your passion. Actually I said “Have you no passion for your children?”

She confessed to me then that her mother was so controlling and demanding that she never wanted to visit her mother upon me. She said she with held her opinions and comments because she wanted me to validate myself.

It took me many weeks to understand what she was asking of me. But I finally understood that she wanted me to see my opinions and judgments as the most important thing. She did not want me to rely on her for validation and approval.

Her methods were harsh but I finally understood that she was trying to give me the gift of breaking the abuse cycle. As much as I hated her methods, she was trying to give me a wonderful gift.

I hope you can see the resistance around you in that light. Its hard and harsh, but it is a gift.

gawd – that sounded like a lot of tripe. But I did find it to be true. I have appreciated my mother more ever since.

]]> By: tiffany http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/01/30/red-to-blue/comment-page-1/#comment-909 tiffany Sat, 30 Jan 2010 17:32:05 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1196#comment-909 Well it says that link doesnt work! Bummer. Google Courageous by Melinda Schneider to have a listen. Well it says that link doesnt work! Bummer. Google Courageous by Melinda Schneider to have a listen.

]]> By: tiffany http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2010/01/30/red-to-blue/comment-page-1/#comment-908 tiffany Sat, 30 Jan 2010 17:27:51 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1196#comment-908 I thought of you when I heard this song this morning. http://new.music.yahoo.com/melinda-schneider/tracks/courageous--180418119 I thought of you when I heard this song this morning. http://new.music.yahoo.com/melinda-schneider/tracks/courageous–180418119

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