My Verbally Abusive Marriage

My boys and I are currently cut-off from all marital funds. I am not concerned that this situation will persist. In fact, I know that it cannot, under law, continue.

I would like to take the opportunity to address “finances” as it relates to emergency plans. If you leave abuse and take marital funds with you, it is true that half of those funds are “owed” the marital kitty. However, if you take money with you, then you have not broken any law. The money is yours as well as his. Keep your receipts, document why you spent said money, and spend prudently.

Likewise, all debt incurred during the separation (via joint credit cards) is also the responsibility of both parties. You do not relieve yourself of joint credit card debt during the divorce – like all other monetary issues, debt is a marital financial concern and will be dealt with in court or in your separation agreement.

What I’m saying is that you are as financially responsible as your spouse for all assets and debts incurred during your marriage and during the separation period. Depending on your situation, you may or may not have to “repay” any money to the marital kitty later on. Count on having to repay it.

So, as you make your emergency plan, go into it fully aware of your responsibilities. You are not stealing if you take marital funds with you when you leave, but you may be required to settle up later. So don’t be a dummy and buy a bunch of crap in revenge or out of spite or just to show him you can. That behavior is irresponsible; protecting yourself when you leave is not irresponsible.

Speaking of things you can count on, count on your would-be controller to do everything in his/her power to leave you helpless and insecure. The more miserable you are, the more likely you are to return to the environment you left, and your abuser knows it. Even if you believe he doesn’t want you to return, at least admit to yourself that he doesn’t want you happy.

Your happiness is possibly the biggest threat to your abuser. When you’re happy, then you’re strong. When you’re strong, you may well realize that you don’t want the life you created with him.

I’ve known this for awhile, and it feels odd to have my innate knowing become such an accurate predictor of future events.

“There’s no threat of a weak and broken woman walking out on him. No threat of a woman unable to provide for herself walking away. As long as I doubt every single skill I possess that creates beauty and value in this world, I am impotent against his brutal verbal, emotional and mental attacks.” ~from Turning Inward

I’m happy. Watch out.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Emergency Plan = Emotional Pain
2. Chocolate Bon Bons
3. You’re a Housewife.
4. Turning Inward
5. Poking the Beast

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