My Verbally Abusive Marriage

I’ve been considering the best ways to proceed with this blog, and I’ve decided to continue writing it pretty much the same way I’ve always done it – honestly, openly, and with the focus being on what I’m doing and how I’m feeling as I deal with the abuse in my life. This blog is about me and my world as I feel it to be, and exposes, often in hindsight, the dire truths of my situation. It is a record only because I cannot and do not know what is to come, or to become of me.

I write what I feel; the truth according to me. Not the truth according to Will or the truth according to my boys, but the truth according to me.

I trust that everyone readily understands that there are always at least three versions of truth when there is a truth to be told – your version, their version, and the indifferent record of events imprinted upon the universe which will probably never be revealed.  Sometimes all three versions line up perfectly. Usually, the three versions of truth do not align, and we people dive into the business of “sorting things out” which usually results in another version of events which is not the truth either.

I think that the law engages in “sorting things out” and, although the process always works (because we the people empower it to do so), there is much omitted from the final report. The understated language of the law, although forceful, is often not as clear or forceful as I wish it would be. The law is not my voice, but I must adhere to it strictly because to ignore it would cause the court to “sort things out” in a more biased way.

Legal issues, such as separation and divorce, require discretion. Today in court I was not surprised by anything that happened, and that was a very good thing for my side of the truth. The ex parte order stands with one revision: my attorney requested visitation for the boys with their father.

My attorney also requested and was granted a line on the amended protection order that reads: “Parties are not to discuss this case or make any remarks about the other parent while in front of or around the minor child(ren).”

I consider this blog to be “in front of or around” my children. They know I have a blog. I don’t think they’re interested enough to visit it, but fact is that THEY COULD, and there is no way to stop them from viewing it.

So, here we are back at the first paragraph, how to proceed with this blog.

I will not write about the specifics of this case, and I will not bad-mouth the boys father either. I believe that I can share how I’m doing, what I’m thinking, feeling, and (to an extent) experiencing without violating any court order. (By the way, I don’t mind at all being placed under the same restrictions as Will. It’s only fair.)

I can share, as it pertains to our separation, any event that I would share with my boys. For example, when I saw them today, I told them that they get to visit their dad, and neither dad or me is allowed to say anything bad about the other in front of or around them. Those are facts they must know, and probably both revelations are a relief to them.

It may be challenging at times to refrain from adding specifics to my posts, but I am willing and able to write with the constraints.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Let Me Awake
2. The Gentle, Other Voice
3. Lies and Verbal Abuse
4. Courage
5. Dear Erin

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