Ex Parte
Has it been only one night? Last night, Will was intimidating and verbally harassing me when my anxiety levels went through the roof. Almost directly after writing, “Smack. Smack. Smack.” in reference to the belt he was snapping, I got up from this computer, went to my room, put on my boots, grabbed a pillow and a blanket, and left the house.
I returned when I thought he’d passed out, but he surprised me at the door. Eventually he forced himself into the bedroom and put his hands on me while yelling nasty things.
I called the cops. There were no marks on me, so they could not remove him from the house. I decided that I would leave.
For the remainder of the night (early morning) I pressed charges (assault against a woman) and requested an ex parte order, which was granted, temporarily, until January 28th. I went on post and filled them in and they notified his unit and a 72-hour no contact type order from his command was issued.
Finally, yesterday evening, the sheriff delivered the ex parte, requiring Will to pack his clothes and toiletries and leave the house.
The cop (who was rude and uncommunicative with me) arrested Will in front of our boys (!) and put him into the car with handcuffs on. (I had been told that Will would pack up his stuff and then be escorted to the jail for processing, most likely leaving after processing to go anywhere but home.)
So, until January 28th, the ex parte order is in place. Civilly, Will has been ordered to stay away from our home, our children, our pets, my car, and me. No contact with any of us, period.
On the 28th, we go to court.
I will write more later. For now, we are safe and I am holding up well. I alternate between relief and regret, but the regret has nothing to do with the actions I’ve taken since the violence in the bedroom.
I am sad and feel like I will simply fall down and die at times.
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January 23rd, 2010 at 8:36 PM
so glad that you and your kids are safe right now. you did a very brave and not at all easy thing getting that all put in place. it’s cool you were able to say “enough” that night…
and keep making that choice OK for yourself. it’s a lot of work but it’s such a very important thing.
“I am sad and feel like I will simply fall down and die at times.”
as for that ^ … yeah. i get that. it won’t always be so bad. sometimes my definition of healing is just this idea i have about getting to a place where i might get to feel OK about a few moments of feeling really truly alive.
anyway, thinking of you. and i’ll think of you on the 28th, too!
January 23rd, 2010 at 11:55 PM
Sweety, you need to leave. You staying there is only going to make matters worse; do you really want him to kill himself or you? He is military, he will have to support you. You can contact FRG and they will provide you with the legalities of it. You could work part time to supplement you income. Years of being battered and abused have erorded your self esteem. I can see that when I look at your videos – FEAR of not being able to make it on your own is keeping you in a situation that is toxic. What a tragedy should he snap one day and “go off the deep end” or push you to do the same. Why put yourself thru this? Or even if you or he temporarily moved out for six months – went to counselling – but living together? Do you really love each other? It doesn’t seem that way. I can see why he’s embarassed that you would have this blog up – I’d be furious too. But I can also see why you do it – but is there a part of you that is enjoying “getting back at him” in a public forum? You’re both attacking each other in different ways. You need to do some deep soul searching too. I was in an abusive relationship for YEARS – I know what it does to a woman. Fighting back won’t work with abusers. Leaving is your only way out. He won’t change. Neither will you. LEAVE!!!
January 24th, 2010 at 1:05 AM
I do enjoy having a voice in a public forum. At least you “strangers” in cyberspace can HEAR me. You seem to understand what I’m saying without trying to use the “right” words to get my ideas across. I would consider this blog an effort to “get back at him” IF and only IF I used our real names. My first name is Kellie Jo, but the names I use for my husband and children are not their real names. Our surname is not Holly.
Honestly, in the first days of this blog, I had used our real first names. My husband requested I change them, and I saw wisdom in his request.
I understand his anger at my words and actions pertaining to this blog. I don’t agree that because he is angry and embarrassed that I must remove this site from the web. He’s often told me that he tried to learn from what I wrote in the beginning, but got too angry at what I said to “learn” anything. It’s funny (not really) that I told him all the things I’ve written here before I wrote them. I’ve expressed all the emotions to him before writing them here.
He just didn’t hear me. He wouldn’t hear me. He wouldn’t hear me because I wasn’t saying what he wanted me to say. My voice online is separate from him, and he cannot bear it.
January 24th, 2010 at 1:55 PM
He’s never going to “hear” you dear. He probably see’s himself as the victim – he works, he pays, he provides and this is how you repay him. Do you see? The military is the ONLY place really these days where spouses don’t have to work outside the home – civilian men would probably demand that if they’re not independantly wealthy enough to provide (and most aren’t). So he’s never going to “hear” you. So Im sure he see’s himself as the abused one. The military is funny because a report CAN ruin his career; yet its a “good ol boy” environment too where a lot of soldiers cover for each other. All depends. Do you really think he’s going to change? Is there family/friends u could stay with? Why do u stay? I know ur scared of the financial stuff, but again, he would have to support you.