Comments on: Nothing Wrong With Me http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2009/12/08/wrong/ ...and what I'm doing in it Sat, 12 May 2012 04:16:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: quietone http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2009/12/08/wrong/comment-page-1/#comment-761 quietone Fri, 11 Dec 2009 06:59:41 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1023#comment-761 One thing I have learned in my 20 year marriage is that any plea to recognize that he puts me beneath anything else just opens the door for more abuse. I think it is because he knows that his behavior his wrong and if I remind him of it that is even more painful for him and thus - to eradicate the pain he takes it out on me again as the source of the pain. Counseling is supposed to get them to recognize their demons. It is just my opinion and I am not in your situation, but perhaps the better approach would be to let commitment on the issue lie still for a while. If he will at least go then he might get an eye opener. You are right. This is not a check the box issue. But in some ways trying to force him to be committal about counseling is asking him to correct everything before he even goes in for his first session. It's also asking him to acknowledge that his is wrong. He wont acknowledge that right now but if the counselor is any good he might start seeing it within himself after a few sessions. Your story breaks my heart. I check in every day wishing there was a way to set things right for you. One thing I have learned in my 20 year marriage is that any plea to recognize that he puts me beneath anything else just opens the door for more abuse.
I think it is because he knows that his behavior his wrong and if I remind him of it that is even more painful for him and thus – to eradicate the pain he takes it out on me again as the source of the pain.

Counseling is supposed to get them to recognize their demons.
It is just my opinion and I am not in your situation, but perhaps the better approach would be to let commitment on the issue lie still for a while.
If he will at least go then he might get an eye opener.
You are right. This is not a check the box issue. But in some ways trying to force him to be committal about counseling is asking him to correct everything before he even goes in for his first session. It’s also asking him to acknowledge that his is wrong. He wont acknowledge that right now but if the counselor is any good he might start seeing it within himself after a few sessions.
Your story breaks my heart. I check in every day wishing there was a way to set things right for you.

]]> By: wendy menzel http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/2009/12/08/wrong/comment-page-1/#comment-756 wendy menzel Wed, 09 Dec 2009 13:55:29 +0000 http://verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/?p=1023#comment-756 I too asked my husband to get counseling for his verbal abuse. His verbal abuse became 10 times worse, calling me psycho all the time, telling me that I'm the one needing counsiling not him. He did go a few times, and told the counselor the reason he is angry all the time is because I dont know how to discipline my kids. My boys were 17 and 18 and were never introuble with the law, they tunned out pretty good. He never disciplined them, if they were naughty I'm the one who would get introuble and told how bad my kids were. The cousilor even gave him books for me to read on how to disipline. If i'm so bad at that, then how come when I tell our young daughter that it is bed time, she goes right away, if he tells her she laughs and stays right where she is at. I too asked my husband to get counseling for his verbal abuse. His verbal abuse became 10 times worse, calling me psycho all the time, telling me that I’m the one needing counsiling not him. He did go a few times, and told the counselor the reason he is angry all the time is because I dont know how to discipline my kids. My boys were 17 and 18 and were never introuble with the law, they tunned out pretty good. He never disciplined them, if they were naughty I’m the one who would get introuble and told how bad my kids were. The cousilor even gave him books for me to read on how to disipline. If i’m so bad at that, then how come when I tell our young daughter that it is bed time, she goes right away, if he tells her she laughs and stays right where she is at.

]]>