How can you keep a conversation straight when he brings things up from 3 years ago, that I haven’t changed. Reason being because when I change one thing, another thing is added to the list. I’ll never catch up.

I have tried the not participating only to enrage him more because I’m giving him the silent treatment and pouting. “Why do you look like you’ve just lost your dog”…gee I wonder, how can I smile and be light-hearted when I don’t know what I’m going to be yelled at for next while I’m sitting thinking about all the horrible things he has just said to me.

There is as much need for validation as there is to punish. I wish I could tell you a way out of this kind of discussion. But I have not found one yet.

I like your tactic of not participating. I could have used more tactics like that over the past 20 years or so.

One thing that has been hard for me is to allow my husband to speak his peace and not interrupt to point out where he is wrong and then repeat it back to him in my own words. It helps to at least get him to acknowledge what he has just said to me and it helps him to see the absurdity in the conversation. Of course, he still says “I never said that” sometimes. But less so of late.