My Verbally Abusive Marriage

Today Marc and I went to the hospital to talk to another psychologist as required by Dr. C. Dr. C. wanted any applicable testing done on Marc and led us to believe this would include the chemistry-type and MRI-type testing to ensure there’s nothing physically “off” in his brain. However, today’s doctor opted for a personality test geared toward adolescents only. He said that from my description, there was no cause to suspect any brain chemistry issues as the problem, and after reading up on the causes of Marc’s unofficial diagnosis, I agree with him.

As you may remember, Dr. C. said that Marc’s behavior fit almost completely within the definition of Borderline Personality Disorder. Today’s doctor said that diagnosing teens with BPD is quite uncommon because an adolescent’s personality has yet to fully form. Typically, such patients are diagnosed with Conduct Disorder. However, after hearing the tale, today’s doctor said, “I can see why Dr.C’s preliminary diagnosis is borderline personality disorder.”

Talk about a lump in my throat.

After coming home, I looked up conduct disorder. The symptoms and causes are familiar. The causes are eerie – to think that I had a part in “creating” the disorder chills me to the core. And here I thought myself powerless.

Despite the preliminary diagnoses of BPD and/or Control Disorder, I am hopeful. I am thankful that we’re getting the help we need. I am grateful that we caught it now (although I wish I could have prevented it entirely, I can’t beat myself up about it because then I’ll be ineffectual in helping to treat it). I am also grateful that the causes are because of something I’ve done because that means I have a chance to undo them.

Of course, I can’t “undo” them…but I can start finding out how to unravel the knot.

This is a “RED FLAG” moment for those in abusive relationships. If you think that your role in the abusive relationship enables you to shield your children from ‘it’, think again. I have learned, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I helped warp my son’s mind when I thought things like, “I can make up for ‘it’ with love.” 

This knowledge is a heavy burden.  Is it one you want to own, too?

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Don’t worry…it could just be borderline personality disorder…
2. Sociopathy and Abuse
3. Gems
4. Jennifer’s Abuse Testimonial
5. Fear

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