My Verbally Abusive Marriage

I talked to the mother of one of Marc’s friends today. Her son had grabbed his backpack, hopped on his bike, and ran away. Again.

This same mother is the one who called my child’s school and told them he was selling drugs at school without so much as a phone call to me. I was pretty heated about that, but nothing came of the allegation against my son. So today when she called, I held my tongue about the school-calling incident, choosing to share information instead.

Come to find out, my son has been telling anyone who would listen that:

• His dad no longer lives with us
• I am sleeping with my husband’s father
• I approve of his drug use and allow him to smoke cigarettes

These things did not make me happy, but the fact that the mother did not believe I’d taken my father-in-law as my lover and that she figured Marc’s dad was deployed (vs. “having left us”) comforted me.

The “fact” that I approved of Marc’s drug use made her think, “What’s going on with Kellie?! That doesn’t seem like her,” and it made me realize that above all else, we WANT to believe our children.

Out of the sick and outright lies she’s heard about my household, she latched onto one of them. And I’m not condemning her for that. I also want to believe at least something my child tells me.

What I’ve learned from talking to her is that it is important to realize that my son will say anything to either gain sympathy or get out of trouble. He’s willing to fabricate stories in order to get what he wants.

He’s a liar, and I can now treat him as such. Talking to him only allows him to make up more lies (which I WANT to believe) and further complicate the situation.

Interestingly, I’m coming to the same conclusion about my husband. I’ve found out recently some of the things he told me and has told me for years are simply not true.

• The dog he told me his grandfather forced him to shoot was instead euthanized due to worms.
• He did not break into an office building while drunk and pass out there; he was in fact beaten up and dumped.

Both revelations were delivered to me innocently by the ones who told me. I didn’t mention to them that “that’s not what he said” or draw attention to my surprise at having hearing the truth. Nevertheless, the revelations were deeply unsettling.

If he had told me that he was deeply hurt by the passing of his pet, I would have sympathized with him. However, if I had known that he had never shot the dog under the direction of his grandfather, then Will’s “belief” that animals must have a purpose or they’re worthless wouldn’t have held much water.

I mean, the excuse that the animal ”has no purpose” has led to his mistreatment of many animals I have loved. I’ve practically given up on having a pet if it wasn’t a good mouser, guard dog, or whatever by HIS standard. He’s denied me my desire to love soft furry animals just because I wanted to love them because of a LIE he tells.

 And is being beaten up and dumped any worse than breaking into an office building? Unless he knows why he was beaten up and didn’t want me to know. I’m thinking angry boyfriend.

One lie elicits sympathy and understanding for the mean way he treats animals (“my” animals anyway), and the second seems more like a cover up for a different story.

Regardless of why he (or Marc) lied, the fact is they saw some greater benefit to themselves by telling the lie. To THEMSELVES. These lies are not to protect anyone except themselves. I’m left wondering what else they’ve lied about.

Have you heard of synchronicity? Synchronicity occurs when everything’s going your way or when similar subjects pop up out of nowhere in a short period of time.

I think I’m in the middle of some synchronicity. It’s time for me to think about lies.

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Just Like I Thought
2. Trusting Myself
3. Anniversary Anxiety
4. Lies and Verbal Abuse
5. Wishbone

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