Mess
The greatest things about letting my boys visit cousins without me is this: I don’t have to wake up to a messy house! The house will be just like I left it when I went to bed – clean, neat, ready for the morning…
Um, I should have sent the kittens to visit relatives too!
But really, who can be upset with kittens?
And as I wrote that I couldn’t be upset with kittens, I realized that it’s because I accept them for what they are. Namely, playful, rambunctious, sweet, messy, and apparently full of feces.
Granted, I’m not going to be able to keep 9 cats; I’m going to have to give some away even though I do accept them for what and who they are.
Am I going to have to do the same with my husband? Am I going to have to give him away even though I “knew he was like this when we married”? Even though I wish he was nicer? Even though I think he’d be a happier man if he could learn to play nicely with others? Even though I want to stay?
One major difference between kittens and husbands is that I don’t expect kittens to change for me. I don’t seem to need evidence that a kitten “loves me.” I love the kitten anyway.
Why do I expect my husband to prove he loves me by changing?
Why do I need anyone to prove their love to me?
I don’t seem to need anyone else in the whole world to validate me, approve of me, give me permission to be myself. They either like me or they don’t; love me or not. Of course, I DO want to be liked, but if I can’t be myself AND be liked by any other person in the world, then oh well.
So why have I given my husband this power over me?1 Why strive to be someone different for him?
Why should he strive to be someone different for me?
Even though I love all the kitties, I’m going to have to let them go. Although I love my husband, am I going to have to let him go too?
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June 16th, 2009 at 9:08 AM
This is quite a process, isn’t it?
On the lighter side – your kitten is soooooo cute!
June 16th, 2009 at 12:58 PM
process…hmm. no, it’s quite a hell. and on the lighter side of THAT, kittens are in fact heaven.
January 21st, 2010 at 9:49 AM
Sweety, are you on any sort of anti-depresssant/anxiety medication? Your situation is terrible, and the ONLY power he has over you is your love for him – it would probably be him who goes to pieces if you left him. And then the threats would start – and he would threat, stalk, and maybe more? …edit… You keep improving yourself, work on your self esteem, stand up to him, and if he touches you again, …edit… . That’ll teach him.
January 21st, 2010 at 12:51 PM
Kunjii, I edited some of the colorfulness from your comment. I did it because I don’t want to promote name-calling and violence here, even if it is directed at Will. I do appreciate what you said, and I hope my edit doesn’t cause you to think twice about commenting again.
For everyone else, I’ll try to fill in the blanks of what Kunjii said. (S)He said that Will is a coward at heart, a bully, and if he touches me again I should fight fire with fire for all I’m worth and not look back. And that I can agree with.