My Verbally Abusive Marriage

Not too long ago, I was talking to my sister about how I tend to reach out to other people when I’m embroiled in an emotional crisis, but as soon as things smooth out, the people who were my support stop hearing from me. Until the next crisis.

And today, I was discussing this blog with my husband, and he mentioned that every blog entry is negative or informational in tone. That is also true.

If the only representation of my thoughts are the ones I write “in crisis” then my life is being misrepresented – by ME. Looking over my journals from when I was a teenager and even in the 5th and 6th grades, I find funny entries, happy entries, angry entries and the common “update” types of entries. In short, my journals used to represent my whole life instead of simply the crisis points.

I don’t have any reason for that, really. I am leaning toward the idea that as I matured, I simply took less time to note the simple things. Instead, only emotional turmoil drove me to my journals (and family and friends). Over time, I’ll examine the reasons why the crisis writing and relating began, but I’m not going to start doing that analysis right now. Between my son’s behavior and trying to get a handle on my own behavior, I have my hands full.

However, I will commit to writing every day, even if it is simply an “update” type entry. A lot of times I avoid writing because it’s draining…but when I only write in crisis mode, it’s probably not the writing that’s draining, it’s the turmoil that drains me.

So, wish me luck as I attempt to recapture the “joys” of writing along with the therapeutic benefit of crisis writing; in addition, my family and friends will hopefully hear from me a lot more and over time, they won’t dread picking up my phone calls, expecting the worse.

*interestingly, I just now added two new tags to my list – “happy” and “goals” – and adding those tags brightened my mood and my outlook

Possibly Related Posts:

1. Crisis Obsession
2. Between You and Me
3. 05 thru 06
4. The Outcome
5. My Husband’s Advice

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