New YouTube Videos
I intended to do one video, but got interrupted and it turned into two. Actually, getting interrupted was a good thing because it ultimately helped me shed some light onto my recent feelings of inadequacy and loss of motivation. Hopefully, you’ll get something out of them, too.
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April 25th, 2009 at 8:29 AM
Kellie,
First off – I LOVE the blooper reel!
I was watching your first video about how you are feeling. I thought of a reason *why* you are feeling that way.
Then, I watched your second video, where you figured out *why* you are feeling the way you are. I thought about not posting this because you had already figured it out, BUT I think this might be in addition to your *why*, and might be something you have not thought of yet…
For 17 (god, has it been that long) years you have been that “teddy bear”. Although in the past year you have realized that you have been that teddy bear, it is branded into who you conceive yourself to be. Realize it or not. Even though you DON’T want to be that teddy bear… (for those of you who don’t know what the “teddy bear” is, read “The Verbally Abusive Man” by Patricia Evans)
When he is gone, you don’t have to conform to fit into that bear’s image. You don’t have to even give it a second thought! You can actually be who you are… but after 17 years… you don’t know who that person is anymore. You have had to conform to his vision of you for so long that you have lost who you are.
This is what you wanted to accomplish while he is gone. You wanted to get strong. You wanted to work on you. After watching your second video, I see you are on the path to doing that. But I hope you REALIZE that you are on that path.
So, you don’t know what to do with yourself. Just do SOMETHING. You will never get anywhere if you sit still and allow that damn depression to settle back into your life.
Draw. Write. Work on your site. Market your site. Exercise (because I know you really want to). Involve your self in the history club you are in (I will keep their name out of it). Plan stuff. Make a list of everything you want to do – then start doing them! Go visit your sister.
Take this time that he is away to break free of that teddy bear image you have helped him mold you into in the past. Break out of that dirty, tiny bear. It is time for a bath! It is time to come out from the corner and live the life YOU are supposed to live! Do it.
As a side note: there is a reason people spend so much time making their websistes (or planning their dreams) and never go any further than the planning or making stage. It has not yet become “real” if other people don’t know about it. There is the chance for failure, and people not liking what you have created if you actually get it out there for others to see and judge. It suddenly becomes “real” if others actually go and see it.
Allow them to see it. Allow yourself to be vulnerable (as far as your site goes). Other people need to hear what you have to say. They need to know that they are not alone.
Market it.