Feeling Ucky
Today has been a real downer. As a rule, I try very hard not to feel sorry for myself, but today, I am feeling sorry for me. And it sucks feeling this way.
As usual, my mind is spinning in circles…is it me? Am I making mountains out of molehills? Being too analytical? Worrying about nothing? Being emotional?
Here’s the deal. As I walked through my house today, I felt simply overwhelmed. Neither one of the boys seem to respect me as I feel they should. I feel that when I tell them to do something (clean their room, do the dishes, etc.) that they should do it. I should not wake up to a note on the hall floor telling me that “I fell asleep on the couch and decided to do the dishes in the morning. Will you make sure I’m up?”
At least I got a note. At least my teenager didn’t ignore my request, he simply decided not to honor it. Which is worse?
Now, once in a while, I could stand this type of thing. But over the weekend, he and his friends smoked salvia (or vaporized it, as the kids are doing nowadays to avoid lung damage – whatever…). Salvia is not illegal in this state, and judging from the lack of a “high” they got from it, relatively harmless. Especially since the salvia came from the plant I bought at Walmart.
You know what? I’m going to stop right here. I can tell that I am just feeling sorry for myself, so I’m going to stop complaining and wait for the mood to pass. There will be an end to this drudgery, and this overwhelming feeling of utter failure will also pass.
I’ll write more tomorrow.
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As a sidenote, I’ve been converting all the .html pages on my site to .php. There’s a lot to learn, but it’s becoming more natural. I also decided to get rid of the table setup on the .php pages and use pure css to format the pages. THAT was a bugger, but now that I’ve done it once, the next time will be easier.
And in the middle of it all, I’ve had to reinstall my operating system. It’s fresh and strong today, but some stupid “bug” keeps popping up and telling me “Windows must shut down” and then POOF…it’s gone. But since I unplugged my usb peripherals, I haven’t had that problem. Haven’t had a printer to use either, but the computer is running right. [Sigh]
OOPS! There I go again. No more self-pity…I’m outta here!
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